Truth in Love

 "The dark can give birth to life; suffering can deliver grace. If all the work of transfiguring the ugly into the beautiful pleases God, it is a work of beauty. Is there anything in this world that is truly ugly? All is grace. Everything is eucharisteo. " Voskamp

We are 36 hours into Peanut not feeling well.

All illnesses with Peanut present the exact same way. "Mama my throat hurts. " Always first. Within 12 hours she will start throwing up. The throwing up signals that a fever has arrived and will rise. The vomiting stays for 24 hours.

36 hours into Peanut not feeling well, we will begin to see the actual illness.

Her immune system responds to all the things the exact same way. Her throat hurts. She throws up. A fever rises, fighting off whatever it is.

If I took Peanut to the doctor 2 hours into being sick, they'd run a strep test. Send us with "in case the sent out one comes back positive" antibiotics. She's never had strep.

If I took Peanut to the doctor 14 hours into being sick, they'd tell me stomach virus. Send me home to ride it out. Fluids.

If I want an actual diagnosis, I'd have to wait at least 36 hours after the "mama my throat hurts" to have enough data for a doctor to know what's wrong.

When Peanut is sick, we hunker down. We watch old DVDs. We be still and wait.

It's the only way to walk sickness with her.

This week I came across a post on a group page of a mom asking for parenting help. Seems her 3 year old is "out of control."

Many of us have walked 3's. They don't call them "three-agers" for no reason. I'd wager 3 was more challenging than 2. All 3 times.

I rarely respond to these kinds of posts.

I've found that most people asking for help just want to say "This is my hard." They want someone to say "I'm sorry. That must be hard."

I've discovered that when you comment with some tip or idea or wisdom you feel is helpful, there is always some reason why it would never work for them. Or they already tried that (for how long, with what consistency???) and it was a fail.

This person has come to me, to us, with a sore throat. Maybe vomiting. But never the underlying virus.

They ask for help without providing enough data.

This person isn't ready to hear my thoughts about how their child doesn't need structured activities, is struggling with change with a new baby coming, or how we don't aim to control our children. They aren't in a place to discuss the heart of the behavior.

I haven't earned the right to weigh in.

I haven't walked sore throat, vomit, fever. I don't get to show up to diagnose.

I've learned the best response to these sort of inquiries is to say "That is hard. A resource I found helpful is __" (I always recommend Dr. Becky Good Inside podcast).

Mama Warriors, it's important that the people we are asking to speak truth to us have ALL the info.

It's important that they know "Peanut has a sore throat" means vomit is coming - and they can ask "do you have all the things?"

It's important that the community we are drawing guidance from be walking the hard with us.

We have to earn the right to speak truth in love to people.

We earn it by sitting in the wait with them.

Control

 "God uses messy broken people right in the middle of their greatest challenges."

On Tuesday I decided that my kitchen cabinets *needed* a deep clean. The kind where you take them down, scrub them, and put them back up. You know, the kind I've never done in the 17 years we've lived here.

Now, if you don't know me well you might think this is crazy. First, there is my total lack of skill at any domestic challenge. Second, the Peanut is sick this week. Kid funk. The "I need to whine and hang on my mama" kid funk. Third, my middle child has lost his ever loving mind (ie - he's decided he's really a teenager now and knows more than his father and I). There's the oldest whose navigating tough times. There's the overworked husband (who loves his job). There's the sports practices, the appointments, the commitments. The constant no sleep.

Oh yeah - and it was Halloween.

My kitchen has 21 cabinets and 11 drawers. It's an insane project to tackle.

Here's the thing, when everything around me seems REALLY out of control. I have to take on something I CAN control.

I can scrub the dirty cabinets over and over. I can tackle them one at a time and see progress. I can control this.

The sick kid, the struggling teenagers, the million other things running through my mind.

I can NOT control those.

I've been quiet this week. Processing. Scrubbing my cabinets and thinking through all that I can not control.

"First we feel and then we heal."

I'm learning that I haven't been letting myself FEEL the feels. I'm stuck in fix it mode, research mode, move forward mode.

So, this week. I'm scrubbing the cabinets. Feeling the feels.

Feeling the feels - it's messy.

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. Eph 6:10-15

God gave me this for this week.

Stand.

He doesn't say I have to know what the next step is. He doesn't promise I get to know what to do next.

He calls me to "stand."

Stand in faith.

Stand in hope.

Stand in trust.

Just stand.

I can "just" clean these cabinets this week. I can "just" listen to worship music while doing so. I can "just" pray over all the out of control aspects.

I can "just" stand.

I can root my feet in Him and just BE.

I can yield to a greater timeline than my own.

I can stand.

Mama Warriors, if you are feeling the waves crash this week. If you are feeling overwhelmed and like possibly you might drown. We don't *have* to swim.

We can just tread water a bit. We can just stand still. We can give ourselves the time and space to feel the feels.

We can just be still and know.

November 2017

No

Truth

 “And that’s what faith is. It’s not certainty in what we know; it’s confidence in who we know. If we had absolute truth, we wouldn’t need to have faith in God. In fact, we would be God.” Jared Byas

Sunday morning Peanut and I pulled into church I will confess a *tad* late. Like the "you are sitting on the back row" time.

She was super excited to show off one of her costumes as she was invited to wear her costume to church for some Pumpkin Challenge fun.

We walked the parking lot toward the church with several other families around. Seems "late" was the thing this week.

I could hear one family discussing the costumes. My first thought at hearing the complaints was perhaps they didn't get the email and solidarity - I always feel badly when my kids miss out on something because I can't keep a clean email inbox.

Then I realized that the growing louder complaining was her sharing her views on costumes at church.

Loudly. Walking beside me with my costumed child.

I'm sadly constantly affirmed as to why people don't see Jesus at church.

Now I don't know if she was opposed to all costumes all the time. Just costumes at church - and in that case, is Sunday morning different than a Saturday trunk or treat?

I didn't stop to ask questions. I instead tried to steer my own excited to be at church in her very much appropriate peacock dress away from her.

I'm sure she felt justified that she was speaking "truth."

And better yet, truth in a church parking lot - got to earn you some bonus stars for that right? Wait, my faith isn't based on gold stars of works and some version of right beliefs .......

I think there's a difference in speaking YOUR truth and speaking your truth in LOVE.

If YOUR truth is a weapon meant to hurt or judge someone else, it's not spoken in love. Period.

You can't speak your truth to someone in LOVE without first having a connection.

Nowhere do I see my Jesus running up to folks telling them costumes are wrong on the last day of October, or the Sunday before, in some random interaction.

He always interacts first. Always engages first. Always meets needs first. Always love first.

Mama Warriors, I challenge us to think if people met us at the park, in the Aldi, at a kid's event - would they feel welcome by us?

Would they feel FIRST loved and fully seen?

Or would they hear our commentary on their choices? Feel judged or unwelcome?

Let's be people who others want to love as we do, so we can say "I love because I am loved."

Fixer Uppers

 Tonight will be the first night Xman won't be here for Halloween and I'm feeling a little sappy about that......seems 2020 is a year for change, changing the menu, changing the tradition, changes.......

It's still true today what I wrote a few years ago though.....

"God says, "I didn't ask you to become new and improved today. That wasn't the goal. You were broken down and strange yesterday, and you still are today. The only one freaked out about it is you."

Halloween always makes me a little sentimental. A wee bit sappier than usual. Sweet Daddy and I moved into this house just before Halloween in 2000. We handed out candy together with boxes scattered everywhere. We were engaged, small wedding plans were in the works. I made a big pot of chili - that became the tradition.

In 2001, on Halloween I would take not 1 but 4 pregnancy tests just to be sure. I bought one of those scary "Boo - we're pregnant" cards and crossed out the "ha ha ha" on the inside. I learned chili and pregnancy don't go together. The next year we would pull the Princess around in her ladybug costume, our first Halloween as a family of 3. Halloween of 2003 I suspected the Xman was growing but it would be another week before we knew for sure. And the following year, we would pull two kids around in the wagon - a Spiderman and a Princess. Each year, we would make chili, trick or treat, and snuggle in for The Great Pumpkin with Charlie Brown. Some holidays are about rushing from here to there, but Halloween has always been ours. Just the 2 of us. The 3 of us. The 4 of us. and now, the 5 of us.

While we said "I do" on April Fool's day, it's always Halloween that has been our roots. It's where we began our own traditions. It's when our family made our house a home. It's the beginning of a great story.

I look around our house sometimes and forget it's our home. That it's lived in and loved. I get overwhelmed with dingy carpet, peeling cabinets, a front porch that is falling apart, and an a/c unit that is ticked off it's still in the 80's outside.

Our home has grown into a fixer upper.

Other than those rare folks on HGTV, no one wants to live in a Fixer Upper. We all want "move in ready," new homes.

I look in the mirror and think the same thing about me. Man, I'm looking rough these days? I'm a fixer upper in need of a haircut, some clothes that fit, and something I probably can't even define.

And that's just what is visible. There's the anxiety, the fear, the health struggles, the brokenness.

I'm thankful we serve a God of Fixer Uppers. He's a Chip and Joanna Gaines God - looking for the worst, with the desire of using the growth to His glory.

We serve an "as is" God. Come as you are. Fixer Upper and all.

Our God appreciates character over perfection.

He's not swayed by our brokenness. Our level of imperfection is not new to Him.

There's a song I play over and over on youtube because it speaks to me. Reminds me:

I come broken to be mended

I come wounded to be healed

I come desperate to be rescued

I come empty to be filled

I come guilty to be pardoned

By the blood of Christ the Lamb

And I'm welcomed with open arms

Praise God, just as I am

Just as I am. Fixer Upper and all.

9 But he said to me, “My grace is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I am very happy to brag about how weak I am. Then Christ’s power can rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9

Mama Warriors, Halloween is a time to dress up, be something different. Pretend. And that's fun for a night. Lucky for us though, we serve a God of Fixer Uppers. There's no need to dress up and pretend every day. You are worthy, just as you are. Broken and beautiful. Bittersweet.

October 2020 first published 

Only Bones

 "It's not hard to decide what you want your life to be about, what's hard is figuring out what you're willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."

After visiting the first 7 doctors at the beginning of the great gastro journey, I turned to a much more trusted doctor.

Google.

I began to study gut health. I have read countless articles, blogs, forums, and books over the last 3 years. I've studied the immune system, the gut, the brain gut connection, and more.

70% of your immune system is in your gut. Your immune system is what protects you and keeps you healthy. So, it only makes sense to me then that food is your first medicine. Everything I read circled back to the same first suggestion.

Bone broth.

For months, I ate mostly bone broth. I still consume a lot of bone broth. My freezer stays stocked. Making it is part of my weekly routine. I will admit, I get frustrated at times. I'm feeding my family yummy things. A wide variety of things. Special treats for different occasions. Food is very much part of family traditions.

And, me, I'm eating water made with the discards. I'm being sustained with leftovers.

Bone broth is made with the bones of a roasted chicken.

The most nourishing food you can feed your body is made out of what most people throw away.

God sustained me for months on end with what most consider waste.

Bone broth is something (a meal) , made out of nothing (bones).

I think God does that with us. He makes something where nothing would normally exist. He takes the worst moments, and makes them the best for us.

24 What I’m about to tell you is true. Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only one seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. John 12:24

If it dies, if it admits it's weak and needs a savior, it produces many seeds.

We have to give ourselves permission to admit we are weak.

"Communion is connection."

When I think back to the foods I miss the most, it's the food that is tied to traditions. It's the big pot of chili, with home made witches broomsticks that we make every Halloween. It's the resurrection rolls I make with the kids retelling the story of Easter. It's the half-birthday cakes and cookies made with laughter. It's the pancakes made in shapes of snowmen on Christmas morning. It's the communion, the gathering of those I love.

It's timely God gave me this today. This nudge. I've been circling in my mind the dread of the upcoming holiday season. 3 months of holidays circling around eating. And going places. Neither are my forte in this season.

And He reminded me that it's the connection, not the food. It's spending time with those we love. It's making the best (bone broth) out of what we are given (dry bones).

Mama Warriors, this weekend begins the "season" for many of us. From costumes and candy, to turkeys and talking relatives, to trees and countless Christmas cookies - Remember it's the connections that He desires for us. It's not whose missing from an event, but whose present. It's not what you can't have, but what you can. It's not what you have to do, but what you GET to do.

And that’s not all. We are full of joy even when we suffer. We know that our suffering gives us the strength to go on. 4 The strength to go on produces character. Character produces hope. 5 And hope will never bring us shame. That’s because God’s love has been poured into our hearts. This happened through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3 - 5

It's making bone broth out of bones. And being grateful that He gave us bones. Not complaining it was ONLY bones, but praising that it is His best for us.

October 2016

Uncomfortable

 "We are not searching to find something we don't yet have, like treasure seekers with a map and a long journey ahead. Instead, we being right where we are, like the tree planted firmly in place. We are not trying to become a better version of ourselves. Instead, we begin to uncover the person whom we have forgotten WE ALREADY ARE." Emily P Freeman

This week I had the opportunity to attend a women's event at a church.

I'm going to confess. I'm not sure the last time I attended a women's event.

Probably the big kids' preschool days if I had to guess.

Walking into a women's church event always takes me back to walking into the school cafeteria in high school.

No matter how friendly, how welcoming, how well designed an event is - there's always some hint of established cliques. People who already have "the" table to sit at. People who don't. People who know how the event goes. People who don't. People who go to the bathroom in 2's and 3's. People who go solo.

Even though I was warmly welcomed. Even though someone immediately asked me to sit at their table. Even though everyone was kind and friendly.

I still felt somewhat uncomfortable at times. Out of place.

I've been thinking about that feeling this week.

I've asked Peanut to try new things this year as we seek to find "her people." I've asked her to be a little uncomfortable for a short time. So she can see. Is drama her thing? Is an "In Between" bible study her thing? Is this new Sunday morning class her thing?

To find your people, you have to be willing to both step out into the uncomfortable AND be vulnerable when you get there.

Since I've asked Peanut to do this, I'm doing it too. I'm saying "yes" to things I don't necessarily want to say yes to. I'm asking myself to be a little uncomfortable for a short time.

I've been thinking about this idea of being a little uncomfortable this week.

We've become a society that very much like the comforts. This is the first time in many years I've driven a car where the windows roll up and down and the ac works. I've got to say comfort feels good.

The things that grow us though should make us a little uncomfortable. Should stretch us outside our comfort zone.

Church should make us a little uncomfortable.

There's not one story of Jesus encountering folks in the bible where I think I'd be totally comfortable. Those "1s" he kept chasing, they lay outside our comfort zone.

As I'm visiting churches, I'm looking for those "1s."

As a church body, are we searching for those on the fringe? Are we looking for the 1? If we find them, will they feel welcome?

I've encountered many young adults lately who have walked away from their faith.

Because the church does not love the 1 well.

They may be the 1. Or they may love the 1.

I think we do a fine job of making space for the 99. We've got the programs that target them.

On Wednesday nights, the church we visit offers dinner to the congregation. This week I watched as the kitchen staff came out onto the street of downtown and offered food to a few on the street.

While the program is set up to serve the 99, they are still looking for the 1.

I'm wondering what if the program was set up to serve the 1, and the 99 came along for the ride?

Mama Warriors, if you don't feel a little uncomfortable every now and then in your faith, your church, your spiritual walk - are you really growing?

I challenge you this week to be open to the uncomfortable.

Whether it be saying yes to an invite to a women's event, opening the kitchen door to feed the 1, or so much more.

He made us not to be comfortable but to be comfort able.

Leak

 "Time is a relentless river. It rages on, a respecter of no one. And this, this is the only way to slow time: When I fully enter time's swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here." Ann Voskamp.

We had planned for months to take Peanut to the aquarium and the zoo in Chattanooga for her fall break. We are studying swimming creatures in science this year and she's studying zoo animals as her research topic for literature.

I waited until two weeks before our trip dates to book both because it was less expensive and because I've found that life frequently interrupts my best laid plans.

I booked the hotel, paid in full, non refundable.

Then the dominoes began to fall.

The repair we've been putting off on the truck suddenly became a necessity. The part we need has doubled in price as they've come out with a "better one."

When I went down to get suitcases and bags, I realized we had a bathroom leak coming from our hall bathroom. The insulation was wet, the ceiling tiles damaged. My investigation led me to realize it was beyond youtube and we would need a plumber.

The morning of the trip, the car would not start. When we put the car in reverse the engine revved but the car did not go.

I sat in the car and began to ponder - are we supposed to be going out of town?

I was already hesitant as we were leaving our two young adults home. While both are responsible, the two young people out driving in older cars with us far from home still makes me nervous.

I haven't traveled in 7 years. My last two trips were early on the gastro madness and were, for lack of a better work, traumatizing for me.

I struggle sometimes with knowing what are signs that I shouldn't do something, and what are obstacles I'm meant to overcome.

Am I supposed to read all the red flags as a sign we are supposed to stay home?

Or I am supposed to take a deep breath and recognize that even in challenging circumstances, I can step outside my comfort zone?

I've decided that life isn't a game show where there is one right door to pick and the others are merely consolation prizes.

I read something this year that suggested that God isn't quizzing you. He hasn't picked some one right way for you and your job is to constantly be guessing what it is.

Rather, He's given you the opportunity to spend time with Him and know how to make good choices.

Whatever you chose, if chosen in good faith, will be the path He blesses.

If we had stayed home, I am confident that our time together, and some bonus time with our big kids would have been abundantly blessed.

We did decide to go, and our time with Peanut was blessed, as well as our big kids further exercising their independence.

This acceptance has made navigating choices easier for me. I'm not constantly torn on trying to guess what the right door is.

Rather, I'm confident that when I list my personal values, my family goals and my boundaries, that I can make choices that will be blessed in some format.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too have moments where you are sitting in a car that won't start wondering if traveling is the right move.

Maybe you become overwhelmed with trying to hear His plan for you.

What if we released the burden and just simply spent time in His presence? What if we took the decisions and weighed them against what we know to be true?

What if we expected the best?