$50 Books

 "Logic and limits often get in the way of longing. And longing is the key to our growth."

After listening to Dolly Parton interviewed on a podcast, I requested her newest book from the library.

It finally came in last week and I picked it up.

It is a beautiful book.

A huge book. Like a coffee table book. A heavy book.

It has pictures, song lyrics, and stories about her life.

It cost $50.00.

I've had this book nearly a week now and haven't opened it.

You see our house is the 50 cent Goodwill book kind of house.

We don't own brand new, nice things. Have you sat on my couch?

We don't own copies of new books, just the ones that have been out long enough to land in a donation pile somewhere.

I do my best reading with a cup of too full hot tea and salty popcorn mixed with chocolate chips.

I'm afraid to enjoy this book because I think I'll mess it up.

And then it will be expensive to replace.

I don't want to read this book because I may leave evidence that I've read it.

This morning I wiped off my outdoor table. I put down a towel.

And I carried this book outside with two hands.

As I set this book on the table, I could hear the words

"You are made for the $50 book life. Quit accepting the 50 cent one."

I enjoyed looking at this book this morning.

And I almost missed it because I had already decided I wasn't made for $50 book life.

2021 God gave me "fly."

I much prefer "be still."

Be still is the 50 cent life. Safe. Secure. Comfortable.

I'm not overly worried about messing it up or leaving my fingerprint on it. I don't have a lot invested in it.

Fly is big for me.

$50 Dolly Parton book big.

The 50 cent goodwill book life doesn't have the same expectations.

I'm waiting to live my $50 book life when I have it more together.

When I figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

When my children quit going through phases that keep me up all night.

The thing is I'm called to live this $50 book life right now.

We are made in His image to live a life full of joy.

We are created for the 50 cent leftover life.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too are always waiting for a better time to live into your longing.

To grow.

During this Lenten week, I challenge you to pull out that Dolly Parton book.

You were made for big.

We can't be afraid to live into the fullness that He wants to offer us.

We have to believe that we are worthy of the good, of the joyful, of the big.

We are made to not only take home those $50 books but to also read them with great joy.

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Waiting

 "We can't change what we have experienced, but we can choose how the experience changes us."

I started my day at one of my least favorite places.

The dentist.

If you are following, I need extensive dental work. I went today for visit number 5 of 10 visits. Anyone want to sing "Woah, we're halfway there?"

I have made all 5 of these visits post COVID.

I start each visit the same way. Sitting in my car waiting for someone to come out and take my temperature.

On my last visit, I sat 20 minutes before someone came out. By then I had already had a full blown panic attack and called them to say if they didn't take me INSIDE the building, I was going to Aldi. I like it WAY better there. I mean I was already so close to there?

Someone must have made a note on my chart because today I waited about 5 minutes and a very cheery employee came out to take my temperature and make sure I stayed on the grounds.

Once I'm IN the building, these people put on their kid gloves and are nothing but super kind to me. They don't make me feel bad that I need this much dental work (today she even said "The only thing that matters is you are taking care of it!"). They never make me feel guilty that I require nitrous oxide to sit in the chair, regardless of what they are doing ("I'll give you a few minutes to relax"). They are compassionate to me.

I'm distracted from the anxiety of the waiting.

They wait with me.

I realized today that while I don't necessarily love the procedure portion of the dental visit, the part that is the hardest for me is all the waiting.

Waiting in my car (or in pre-Covid times in the waiting room), being ushered back to a room, waiting on my turn, and then during procedures there are times you wait (while you wait for numbing meds to kick in, or the next step to be ready, or xrays).

These dental employees float in and out and frequently I'm alone in this chair with my over reacting brain.

During all those times of waiting, I manage to work myself into an anxious frenzy. Anticipating the worst. Dreading the procedure.

I'm not good at waiting.

In some other universe I may find this funny about myself because I am CONSTANTLY waiting.

I waited 9 years for Peanut.

I waited 6 years for gastro relief.

I am still waiting on some of my prayers.

Many of my people are waiting this week. And my heart hurts for them.

All waiters should get nitrous oxide. I'm just saying.

It doesn't hurry up the waiting. It doesn't even decrease the pain of the wait. It sort of forces you to slow down your over processing and just process the next moment.

Waiting is hard.

We are not meant to wait alone.

Mama Warriors, we are often stuck in our car waiting by ourselves because we don't ask others to wait with us.

We don't ask people to sit with us in the wait.

People can't show up for us if they don't know.

There's no prize for carrying it all by yourself.

We can't change the fact that there is waiting in life.

We can change HOW we wait.

I challenge you this week to ask a trusted friend to sit with you in the wait on your hard.

As we journey to the cross this Lenten week, let someone else help you with your burden.

Faith is a team sport.

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Mustache

 " Faith is given in sufficient quantities to faith communities. God won't give you more than ya'll can handle. Faith is a team sport not this individual competition."

Last night I had the priveldge of watching Xman play baseball. There may be nothing sweeter than his smile just before the game begins.

His coach currently has this handle bar mustache thing going on. The boys have an incredible relationship with him and as a fun joke, they all drew one on themselves.

Solidarity. Team work.

It's not just about the score while they are on the field, it's about the relationships off the field.

In my classroom teaching days, I always enjoyed a class full of boys more than one that was full of girls.

Boys get mad at each other - they get loud, they voice the problem, they insist it be addressed, and then - they move on. Not always, but often.

Girls I always found a drama that never ended.

Today's society has made drama so easy.

It's also made walking away something you can do with a click of a button.

The hard thing about being on a team is that you can't just unfriend or unfollow.

You have to keep showing up.

To every practice. To every game. To every event.

You have to be all in.

So regardless of what happens between these boys, this coach has taught them that you rise above.

Because the score is never the end game.

Who they are as people - that's the end game.

I've felt heavy this week.

Several friends are carrying burdens too large.

The losses in our community feel deep.

I keep circling back to that quote I heard in a sermon recently.

Faith is a team sport.

We are made to keep showing up for each.

We are made to carry each other.

There are two kinds of students I've found. Those that love group projects, and those that hate them.

Those that love them see them as an opportunity to not be responsible for everything. Often a time to sit back and let someone else run the show.

Those who hate them end up being the person dragging four people they didn't like in the first place through something worth 20% of their final grade. Thus they end up doing it all.

Confession. I'm in the second group.

I'm not a team player.

Give me the rubric and let me tackle that on my own. Then I know it will be done right.

Maybe because sports were never my thing and I don't have enough practice.

Faith is a team sport.

That we as a big C Church are loosing.

We are too busy trying to win the individual competition that we've forgotten our responsiblity to the team.

This daily life - this is baseball.

Sure your at bat is important but more important is your defensive team work in the field.

More important is controlling the number of team errors.

More important is your collective goal.

Mama Warriors, I've been pondering today what our collective goal is as the big C Church.

Love God, Love People.

Love God, Love People as Jesus taught us to.

Are we being team players?

Not only does that challenge us to help carry each other's burdens, but are we asking people to help carry ours?

Are we all drawing the mustache on with a joyful heart?

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Fly

 "Tell me to what you pay attention to, and I will tell you who you are." (Spanish philosopher)........"You will eventually be shaped in the image of the loudest voice in your life. "

This year my word chose me.

Fly.

Nearly 3 months in, it's been enlightening how the choice of that word has colored the decisions I've made.

Someone asked me to lead a Bible Study during the 7 weeks of Lent.

My initial reaction was "Um, no thank you."

Maybe not even that polite.

I don't love commitments. I absolutely hate to pray in front of other people out loud.

I can stand in front of a group of teenagers all day long and convince them math isn't evil, but I don't particularly love talking to adults.

I'm a wrestler with His word.

But I had been praying about our next move church wise, and felt led to say yes.

Fly.

Last night was week five.

No one showed up.

I rushed my family through dinner, took the quickest shower in the world, logged into zoom. And waited.

Alone.

I was momentarily transported back to high school. Sitting in the library during lunch rather than try to navigate the evils of a high school cafeteria.

Feeling massively unpopular.

I had spent hours this week preparing. I studied the scripture. I read multiple commentaries on them. I watched a handful of sermons on the topics. I printed four pages of notes I wrote on my own reflection on the topics.

I was ready.

I showed up.

As I took my hot tea, jelly beans and book to bed pouting, I started that downward spiral that is uniquely mine.

I said yes I'd serve and no one showed up.

Oddly the bible study was on serving.

I felt nudged - it was never about THEM showing up.

It was about ME showing up.

I don't know if God called anyone else to say yes to this bible study.

But I do know He called ME to say yes.

This bible study is about changing ME.

So I do the work. I prepare. I say yes.

I show up all 7 weeks.

Even if I'm the only one.

And I leave the rest to Him.

The results aren't mine to control.

Mama Warrriors, I think often we quit the call on week five when it doesn't look like we wanted it to.

When other people aren't doing what we think they should.

He doesn't call us to keep track of the results.

We are only in charge of showing up and loving well.

It's never about the THEM.

It's only about ME.

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