"We can't change what we have experienced, but we can choose how the experience changes us."
For the last three weeks, our washing machine has been broken. I figured out how to get it to wash but it would not rinse. So, I could either wash our clothes with no soap. Or I could wash them with soap and then re-wash them without soap so that the second wash cycle acted as a rinse.
I know.
Today the new washer arrived.
Very exciting. Home Depot was two hours early delivering and I've rarely been this excited. The last time might have been 8 years ago when Chris brought our last washer. Yes, I remember his name.
Whoever built our laundry room definitely did not DO any laundry and probably never hooked up a washer or a dryer.
After some Tetris style moving, the delivery guys got my old washer out, my new washer in BUT my dryer won't go back into the space.
You see even though NOTHING about my dryer changed, the mere stretching and moving has shifted the vent hose and it won't fit back in there the same way.
The two men in the truck tried multiple times.
I have since tried multiple times.
And it seems like this is just the new position of our dryer.
I've been thinking about this today.
About how nothing fundamental changed with our dryer, but the stretching and the shifting has changed it.
It's no longer the same.
As Timehop reminds me that we've been living a new normal for the last year, I have been thinking how not many BIG things about my life have changed. But the year has stretched me and shifted me.
I'm changed.
I'm no longer the same.
This week I studied the portion of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus tells us to love our enemies.
My first thought was - Oh good. I'm safe on this one.
I've got no enemies. No arch nemesis. No rival.
But then I got to thinking. Some people annoy me. Some people frustrate me. Some people have broken my trust. Some people have hurt me deeply.
I'm supposed to love all of THOSE people.
I'm supposed to do good for them. Say good things about them. And most of all pray for their hearts, for their lives.
I'm going to be honest- about half the people in the category of people who have frustrated me, annoyed me, hurt me or violated my trust are related to me.
They are my people.
I have a hard time with those folks because I expect more of them.
The ones not related to me - I can forgive, I can extend grace, I can make space for.
But the ones related to me - I feel like they owe me better.
Sigh.
Unfortunately I couldn't find anything in that Sermon on the Mount that said I was off the hook.
But what I really found convicting about studying those passages this week was that my real enemy. The one that I really struggle with the most.
Is myself.
I'm the most judgemental about myself.
I'm the most aggravated or frustrated with myself.
I'm the most hurt by my own actions and words.
I have the hardest time loving myself.
All that stretching and shifting I've done this year - why can I not give myself grace for that?
For the losses I've carried.
For the hurts I"ve felt.
Mama Warriors, Jesus never asked us to do anything he didn't already do himself. He loved Judas. Often treated him better than the other disciples. He knew he would betray him, but he loved him well anyway.
I think when he calls us to do unto others - we need to look in the mirror.
I would never speak to a dear friend the way I speak to myself.
Let's find space to love ourselves well.
To do good things for ourselves.
To say kind things about ourselves.
To pray for our own heart.
We are dryers who aren't going to fit the same as we used to.
That's okay.
There's room for new acceptance.
For love.
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