Fly

 "Tell me to what you pay attention to, and I will tell you who you are." (Spanish philosopher)........"You will eventually be shaped in the image of the loudest voice in your life. "

This year my word chose me.

Fly.

Nearly 3 months in, it's been enlightening how the choice of that word has colored the decisions I've made.

Someone asked me to lead a Bible Study during the 7 weeks of Lent.

My initial reaction was "Um, no thank you."

Maybe not even that polite.

I don't love commitments. I absolutely hate to pray in front of other people out loud.

I can stand in front of a group of teenagers all day long and convince them math isn't evil, but I don't particularly love talking to adults.

I'm a wrestler with His word.

But I had been praying about our next move church wise, and felt led to say yes.

Fly.

Last night was week five.

No one showed up.

I rushed my family through dinner, took the quickest shower in the world, logged into zoom. And waited.

Alone.

I was momentarily transported back to high school. Sitting in the library during lunch rather than try to navigate the evils of a high school cafeteria.

Feeling massively unpopular.

I had spent hours this week preparing. I studied the scripture. I read multiple commentaries on them. I watched a handful of sermons on the topics. I printed four pages of notes I wrote on my own reflection on the topics.

I was ready.

I showed up.

As I took my hot tea, jelly beans and book to bed pouting, I started that downward spiral that is uniquely mine.

I said yes I'd serve and no one showed up.

Oddly the bible study was on serving.

I felt nudged - it was never about THEM showing up.

It was about ME showing up.

I don't know if God called anyone else to say yes to this bible study.

But I do know He called ME to say yes.

This bible study is about changing ME.

So I do the work. I prepare. I say yes.

I show up all 7 weeks.

Even if I'm the only one.

And I leave the rest to Him.

The results aren't mine to control.

Mama Warrriors, I think often we quit the call on week five when it doesn't look like we wanted it to.

When other people aren't doing what we think they should.

He doesn't call us to keep track of the results.

We are only in charge of showing up and loving well.

It's never about the THEM.

It's only about ME.

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