Doer

"My heart is revealing what is already there: misplaced worship of my own comfort and control. Can you relate?"

This weekend I came across my stash off foot covers during a great garage clean out. A sweet friend generously sent me them to both put a smile on my face and be something useful after we had our carpet cleaned. 

Since that time, I've used them many times to cover Peanut's dirty feet while she walked through the house to the bath tub rather than trying to carry her lanky self. 

Recently, however, I have learned they make great make shift gloves. We use them at public parks to open the bathroom door, flush the toilet, and turn the water on to wash our hands. I've used them at gas pumps to both pump and push in my information on the keypad.  

Every year in January our family participates in a spending freeze. During that time, I'm always reminded of how when we are pushed, we can be creative in how we use our gifts and resources. 

We can make what we have work.

Sometimes our purpose isn't so obvious. 

Sometimes how we are called to use our gifts and talents isn't so obvious. 

Maybe we, too, are foot covers who now need to be used as gloves. 

We are all waking on this beautiful Sunday morning to a world in which there is divisiveness everywhere. 

My social media feed is full of people falling on all sides of current events. 

I think many of us are feeling like "I'm only a foot cover, what can I do?"

One of my favorite Xman stories is from when he was about 5 years old. Xman was a fierce collector of all things super heroes. But he also was very concerned about order. 

He came to me one morning and said "Mommy - I have this GREAT idea. I could put my toys into different boxes and write on them what is in them. Then I will know where they are." 

I said that was a great idea and offered to provide him with bins and markers. 

To which he replied, "Oh Mommy - I'm really more of a THINKER boy. Not a DOER boy."

I feel like we have become a society of thinker boys/girls. 

We are screaming at each other on social media. Yelling all of our thoughts. 

We are, however, not doer boys/girls. 

I think one of the reasons is that we are foot covers who don't know our glove potential. 

I don't want to engage in a discussion about where you should land on any current event. 

Because here's the thing, where YOU land is between you and Jesus. And as long as YOU are good with that, I am too. 

BUT (there's always a but right?) - I remember FAR more times in the Bible where Jesus was a doer. Not just a thinker. 

He didn't see things he felt were unjust and just yell about them. Or comment on them. Or post 18 articles about them. 

He was a DOER. 

Mama Warriors, I encourage you today to pray about what you can DO about all that you THINK. 

 I think if we all prayed to ask how our foot cover selves could be used in a new fashion, in these every changing times, I feel like He'll show us. 

And selfishly, while you are changing from a foot cover to a glove, I ask you to have empathy and grace for others. Allow a little space for those who think differently than you. 

Remember that you are commanded to love others. 

All the others.

From, To

 "We must first be free FROM before we are free TO."

Over the Lenten season, I fasted from facebook for the 40 days. I chose to continue to post my pictures (because it's Peanut's baby book of sorts) but not scroll.

Create. Not consume.

About a week after Lent, a library book that I had put on hold in January finally came in.

"The 40-Day Social Media Fast: Exchange Your Online Distractions for Real-Life Devotion."

I thought - REALLY? I just fasted 40 days and now the book comes in?

I decided to just read the book without fasting.

40 days.

I felt like I had a pretty healthy relationship with social media. I try to avoid commenting or engaging in controversial topics. I try to embrace the cute growing babies, the beautiful garden blooms, and the sweet celebrations. And ignore the rest.

Over the 40 days though I began to notice things about phone usage. In others first - because isn't it always easiest to see the problem in someone else?

There's the women who I tried to talk to in the waiting room who could barely stop scrolling to say hi. There's the mom waiting in line for the play in front of me whose social media feed was more interesting than getting to know me. There's my own family who can't make it through a movie without checking their phones. Multiple times.

I began to track how many times in a day I reach for my phone.

I encourage you to try it. It's convicting.

I realized that the majority of us are addicted.

And addiction to anything isn't healthy.

I was filling a good chunk of my day with "quick" phone checks.

People are often surprised by how much I read. I will preface with saying I read purely for pleasure the majority of the time. So I will not remember the name of the book - and probably not much of the plot within a few months.

I cringe when people say "I don't have time to read."

We have time for what we make time for.

When Peanut began to read to herself, I made a steady commit that I would have books in all the places I sit and I would model a life of reading.

I started leaving my phone on the kitchen counter in it's "docking station" and if I sat in the living room, my bedroom, my dining room - I would read. I take books to appointments. Books to the park/pool. Books when I travel.

During Lent I doubled the amount of books I normally read. DOUBLED.

I don't think Jesus really cares whether or not I scroll a social media feed.

But I do think He cares about me having spiritual whitespace. Room to be silent and listen.

I think He cares about my mental health.

I think most of us if we really challenged ourselves would find that social media isn't the most life giving choice we can make with our time.

Or checking email. Or sending messages. Or playing games. Or whatever your phone activity of choice is.

I think if we were really honest with ourselves that the list of things that are life giving to us are not found on a screen.

Mama Warriors, as we go into summer, where many of us will be the model of a healthy balanced lifestyle our kids see.

I know my own kids are different creatures with lots of screen time. Behavior, attitude, sleep, activity choices - all different.

Should we consider that maybe we are different too?

Maybe if we anchored those devices to a charging station for the summer - maybe, we'd rediscover what brings us joy.

Maybe if we took a walk without our phones, we'd appreciate creation.

Maybe if we watched a movie without our phones, we'd be able to laugh and share our favorite moments.

Maybe we'd be really present.

Maybe we'd exchange addiction for intentional living.

Authentic Life

"Being deemed a good wife or a good mother or daughter is rarely based on how true you are to yourself."......................"To be a good woman you need to be good for other people."

The sermon series this month at our church is on the idea of "Sabbath." 

Now, if you were raised like me, in some super conservative, legalistic version of Sabbath - let me redefine it for you. 

First, not necessarily "Sunday." Second, not a list of "don'ts." Third, it's God's GIFT to you. His commandment. Meant to bring you what YOU need. 

Sabbath just means a time of REST. It's when YOU choose to put down, let go of something so that in turn you can embrace something else. Embrace God. Embrace Others. Embrace You. 

Today was week 3 of the series, and I"ve been taking serious notes. Last week Sweet Daddy came with and made me raise my hand and admit that I struggle with rest. 

My Timehop reminds me that I've come a long way in terms of physical rest. I've cleared our calendar. I've shortened our radius. I've embraced the idea of home. 

I didn't have a choice but it was a valuable lesson. The thing is the body at some point says "ENOUGH." And it will take rest by any means necessary. For me, it was 100 pounds of gastro madness in less than two months time. It was years of recovery. 

It was reaching a point of full SURRENDER. 

But, mentally. 

I'm not a rester. 

I'm a thinker. A worrier. A "I'm sure I'm forgetting something." 

I'm okay with the dishes in the sink or the toys cluttering the floor (if you know me, I'm more than okay with all that). 

I can't shut off my mind. 

One of the counselors I saw suggested I practiced mindfulness. Get myself some meditation apps. 

I did. 

I told her I was failing at mindfulness. 

She suggested I think about myself on a train and my thoughts are the scenery. Acknowledge they are there. But keep moving past them. 

I tried. I ended up getting off the train. 

It seems me and my thoughts are stuck together. 

Anyway, so this week this idea of mindfulness and Sabbath and rest have been wrestling around in my brain. 

Each afternoon we have "sitting" here at Tkill Academy. I get us all some lunch, the kids choose a favorite program, blankets are pulled out. And they rest. 

It's a tradition as old as their existence. 

At some point, this "rest" time became my work time. I get my lunch, my coke and my computer. 

This week I wondered why? 

When they were little working while they were still and quiet made sense in some ways, but we are in a new season. I have these teenagers who benefit from sibling time. I'm not the only one who can load a dishwasher or do a load of laundry. I have a six year old who can be taught to play solo for a bit while work gets done. 

Am I not worthy of the same rest I afford everyone else in my house? 

Which made me wonder, why is that? 

The universal mother truth. 

We define ourselves by how much we sacrifice. How large our love is by how how much we pour out. 

It's why social media rubs us the wrong way. 

We are judging ourselves by the external picture of how others mother. Look how much that mother did for her child - how she must love him/her. 

All of OUR value is wrapped up in how others FEEL. 

Mama Warriors,I challenge that this is a slippery slope. 

There's a reason they say put on your oxygen mask first. That's almost comical to me though because it's got to be something super serious before we are going to take care of ourselves first. And even then, I'm only putting on my mask so that I can then put on their mask. 

How about if I put on  my mask because I am WORTHY. 

How about if I put on my mask because being true to ME - nurturing ME makes me a better person. 

How about if MY value is only tied to ME? 

I'm not suggesting everyone turn into selfish folks who ignore their husband and kids and just eat bon bons on the couch (which I honestly just learned were a real thing this year). 

What I am suggesting is that we raise the bar for those who love us. 

That we serve them joyfully BUT we also lean in and live in to the idea that we are worthy of rest. Of Sabbath. 

I'm suggesting we define ourselves by how true we are to ourselves and that we give our kids, our loved ones, the gift of someone who is authentically loving both themselves and them. 

Serve yes. 

Love God, love others. 

Lean in, live in. 

Let's redefine "good mother" in our hearts so it looks less than a crazy Pinterest IG moment and more like an authentic life.

You Matter

"Life is BIG in the LITTLE."

Our last day of co-op classes for this year was on May 9th. Which means we are two weeks into our summer schedule here at Thrailkill Academy.

Every year as we go into summer, I go back and forth on creating some kind of elaborate calendar to make sure we have a "fun filled summer" and just letting the days flow. 

I'm reminded this year that my goal is to INFLUENCE my children, not IMPRESS them.

I'm not their social director, their entertainment guide, their checkbook, or their personal uber driver. 

It's almost humorous to me the lengths that we go to in order to create a "fun summer" for kids when the original purpose of summer was for the kids to not have school so they could WORK at home. School used to fluctuate - with farm kids not attending in the fall and spring, during planting and harvesting. In some areas, kids took a break in the summer months because the school building had no air and it was too hot. 

The advocates of "summer" in the education field want kids to have a chance to be kids.Free from the rigidness of the traditional school day, time to focus on other interests. The flip side worries about summer regression - kids who don't read, who don't practice math facts, kids who loose progress academically over the long break. 

I giggle every year as I watch how Moms count down to summer with great anticipation. No more waking kids up, no more rushing around. Only to find a few weeks later that they are exhausted from transporting people to camp, organizing pool play dates, and complaining their kids are "bored." 

My devotion read this week shared "Life is BIG in the LITTLE."

Meaning that the BIG moments in our life, happen in the mundane of the daily LITTLE moments. 

We don't make them or create them. 

They exist because of our PROXIMITY to our kids. Because we make ourselves available. 

So, my goal for the summer is to be available. To sit near my kids. To include them in the daily rhythm of my day. To have them cook with me. To have them sort the boxes in the never ending minimalism project with me. To ask them to sit with my while we watch the rain. To take them to the grocery store individually and talk about healthy choices and favorite snacks. To sit next to them our couch while they scroll instagram. To encourage them to fill their time with balance. 

Mama Warriors, I challenge you to remember that summer is designed as a time to refresh yourself before the fall, before a new year. Not to wear yourself out further. YOU matter. YOU being well balanced, well rested, well nourished is important. 

Lamentations 3:22-24New International Version (NIV)

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

    for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;

    great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;

    therefore I will wait for him.”

I challenge you to pray over your summer plans. What will your goal be? How will you let that lead your summer?

With

"Better to rest in him from the start than to run without him all day long."

Every Sunday afternoon, I drag my family out to the yard, where we cook out and spend some time together without screens.

The wee one always jumps right in. This week she made mud pies with rain water, GA clay, and flowers (okay, weeds).

The big two sit. They are "bored." There's "nothing to do."

I'm refraining from making suggestions. I'm refraining from giving them ideas of how to fill their time. 

It started out my main goal was to provide some technology free consistency to our weekend. To model how to balance. How to CHOOSE real life over screens. 

My main goal has shifted to teaching my big kids how to be still. 

I honestly worry about the fact that they are rarely forced to wait. We sit in doctor's office waiting rooms and there are phones and handheld video games to keep them busy. I spent most of their early years keeping them engaged. 

I worry we've raised a generation of kids who don't know how to be still and KNOW. Who don't know how to wait. 

I worry that if they can't spend a half hour in the backyard sitting, they can't wait for God to operate on His time.

Yesterday I listened to this Ted Talk (okay, so I listened to like 7 Ted talks) about how technology gives us a false sense of connectedness. It tricks us into believing we are living our life. The speaker cautioned to make sure we aren't missing moments. That we are being fully present. 

I find when I'm out, people don't even make eye contact. Strangers don't make small talk. I'm very much the oddball at the toddler park (okay so I'm also nearly old enough to be the mother of the mothers) because I'm attempting to engage with the adults. 

We've become a society that doesn't sit still. We're a society that chooses what's in the palm of our hands over the people in front of us. 

22 Right away Jesus made the disciples get into the boat. He had them go on ahead of him to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. Then he sent the crowd away. 23 After he had sent them away, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone. Matthew 14:22 - 23

Mama Warriors, I know that often it's overwhelming to be someone's everything. To be their uber driver, their bathroom buddy, their chef, their comforter, their rule maker, their social calendar, their everything. Even Jesus had to take some time. Send the crowd away and be by himself. 

But in the moments we are WITH them, let's really be WITH them. Let's be all in. Let's model how to be still. Let's model how to choose what's right in front of us over a disconnected virtual world. 

Let's show them how to balance by balancing ourselves.

Toss out the Map

 "Let there be light, and let it begin with me."

On Pentecost Sunday we celebrated Peanut's baptism.

Pentecost is the 7th Sunday after Easter. It celebrates the descent of the Holy Spirit after Jesus's ascension into Heaven. Pentecost is often considered the birthday of the church. It's the day that the disciples became the church. The day the mission of "go forth and spread the good news" became the job of God's people.

In hindsight, it was the perfect Sunday for my theater kid. The church was decorated in red to represent the fiery tongues. People were dressed up with beads and fun hats to celebrate this birthday.

All 3 of my kids have been baptized in very different locations, circumstances, and ceremonies.

Each in their own time as part of their own story.

And I love that for them. For the fact that faith was never a box we checked. It was never something presented to them as a "one size fits all" religion.

We gifted them space to explore religion in all facets, in all buildings, in all spaces.

Peanut was the first of our kids to not be baptized by SD.

Sometimes setting aside the spot we want in the journey is the hardest part. Leaning into His will in His timing in His way.

Faith is the fruit of questions and confusion, of heartbreak and wondering, of both hope and love.

It ebbs and flows, rises and falls, prospers and withers in seasons.

I'm so proud of each of my kids for the wrestling and trusting.

For choosing to be baptized.

For choosing to never be fully alone.

Faith is a gift that each of them gave themselves.

While I journeyed alongside them in some ways, it very much was a walk they chose, on the path they picked in His timing.

Sunday we celebrated that Peanut was created by God, claimed by Christ and called by the Spirit.

In church a few weeks ago I listened to a sermon about the route to Jesus. The priest shared that we are often caught up on the "map" - what's the right way to get there, who can get there, what the rules are.

Mama Warriors, I encourage you to toss out your map and focus on the destination.

Make space that the map may look different for your kids than for you. Make space for the wrestling.

Is your goal for your kids to find Jesus or is it for them to find Him in the box you've created with the map you've made?

Make space for the journey or you may not be invited along.

Her Story

"Our stories are not meant for everyone. Hearing them is a privilege, and we should always ask ourselves this before we share: "Who has earned the right to hear my story?""

In some ways the last 17 years seem like they flew by but in others I can promise you it felt long and hard. 

When I sat in that sancturay in 2008 , and watched her graduate from kindergarten, I can assure you I pictured our journey very differently than it turned out. 

Maybe because I never pictured her path being HER path. 

There have been MANY times over the last 17 years that I have wanted to take her burdens, carry them as my own. 

I wanted to take away the pain of the mean girls experience in first grade. I wanted to take away the hurt of not fitting in. Relationships that faltered. I wanted to undo her bad choices. I wanted to protect her from.......life. 

On paper I'm a huge advocate for natural consequences. 

I'd like to think that even though my instinct was to protect her, that I gave her space to be bold and vulnerable. 

Knowingly, or unknowingly, I definitely gave her room to push my boundaries and carve her own path. 

In church yesterday the pastor read this verse:

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.(Matthew 11) 

I let that verse wash over me, and clearly heard Him say

"Come to ME"

Where do I want my wandering kid to go?

Not to ME.

But to Him. 

I think deep in our Mama hearts we want a role we were never destined to have. 

I think we want to author their story. 

It's not our story to tell. 

And even harder, it's not our story to write. 

I would have written a much different story for her. An easier story. 

One that bought me more sleep at night. 

It's not my story to write. 

It's not my story to share. 

It was never about ME. 

I've always just been along for the ride. 

Mama Warriors, many of us are embarking on a new season. The Princess has finished her traditional high school education. In a matter of weeks, she will earn a high school diploma. She started her first real job today (thank you Jesus). The college applications have been completed. The budgeting has been discussed. The driving lessons continue. 

What do I desire in this season? 

I desire to be a person who has earned the right to HEAR her story. 

A person whose vulnerable and authentic with her. A person whose earned her trust. 

For moms of littles, I challenge you to begin with that end in mind. 

You are building a relationship. 

You are not the author of the story. 

If you can relinquish that control, you can really enjoy reading His story.

Tent Dancing

 "God did not create your life to be lived in segments. He created it to be lived in seasons."

A few months ago I started to think about the ending of the school year marking the end of elementary school for Peanut.

I wanted to take the time to celebrate that season. Peanut has always wanted to go to the Great Wolf Lodge. A friend and I began to plan a surprise trip for our girls.

These past few months I can feel Peanut doing the dance between being "little" and the tween phase. I can feel her pushing away here and there.

I listened to a podcast last week that talked about the importance of this phase. Gifting them space to figure out who they are apart from us BUT also making sure they know they are never alone.

I've done this dance twice and I find it one of the harder stages of parenting. I'm somehow always supposed to know when I'm supposed to be participating and when I'm supposed to be invisible.

My main goal with Peanut has, and will continue to be, connection.

Connection not control.

I gift her space but not at the expense of the connection.

As I was reflecting on the trip, one of my favorite moments happened on our first night. The girls and I were wandering around the lobby when we stumbled upon a dance party. They were both unsure.

I could tell both theater kids wanted to participate but just weren't sure. I reminded them that we have to learn to tune out the other voices in the world if we are going to live into our own happiness.

And I started to dance.

The girls slowly joined in. After a bit I decided to take my place along the sideline with the rest of the parents.

Peanut looked over and said "Mom - come on."

This same child who hasn't wanted me to walk her to class. Or show signs of affection in public. Definitely doesn't want me singing in the car if someone else is in it.

She wanted me to dance with her.

I think that's what this season is right? It's being always present - ready to be invisible or fully participating.

Making space that both can exist.

We keep our connections with people by gifting them space to grow. By allowing relationships to ebb and flow.

By accepting that change is inevitable.

The preacher at our church often uses the analogy that our church sets up a big tent. We make space for variances in beliefs and traditions. We set up our big God tent and invite you to sit in it with us.

Parenting works that way too. If you put up camp chairs and insist it always be the same, always the way you want, etc. It's a small space. It doesn't make room for growth.

But a tent - a tent makes space for gathering in different ways, in different forms. A tent says "you are always welcome here. If you want to stand, sit, dance, or nap." A tent is inviting.

Mama Warriors, as we move into summer I encourage you to pitch large tents.

Make them big enough for them to find their independence but still be in your tent. Make them big enough for the people in your village.

Look for opportunities to make connections. Invite their world into your tent.

Maybe there will even be dancing in your tent.

Mismatched Mothering

 "It was possible that I could stop assuming that no one could handle the whole mess of me and gift them a chance to surprise me instead." The Ugly Cry by Danielle Henderson

I showed up at church this morning with two different shoes on.

Perhaps worse is that I did not realize it until AFTER the service and my class was over.

We all know how that happens right?

I put on two different shoes to try to decide which one I liked best.

I walked into my living room to get a second opinion.

Then kid #1 needed to be reminded (again) to turn off the computer and put on her shoes. Kid #2 wanted to give me his mother's day present (let's all say "awww"). The dog jumped on me. The husband had a question.

Oh no - we are LATE.

I grab my hot tea, my granola bar, my morning meds and jump in the car.

At church, we greet new friends. I wait for kid #2 who wanted to church with me for Mother's Day (let's say "aww" again).

I open my hands in praise and prayer.

It's only after all the missions of the morning that I realize my shoes do not match.

Like not a slight not match - like two totally different shoes.

I had to laugh.

Because just because it's Mother's Day doesn't mean that less mothering happened right?

This morning in church we talked about the idea of having a mission.

Our family has a mission statement hanging in my kitchen.

"We will : be authentic, be encouraging, be thankful, and be intentional."

Each of those is flushed out with a Bible verse but the "be" statements are the actions.

Someone mentioned in class that if you don't know where you're going, you'll get on any bus.

And you might not end up where you want to be.

As I walked around today in my mismatched shoes, I realized it's often easy in life to forget the mission.

Easy to get on the wrong bus.

Was the mission this morning to put on two matching shoes or to be present for the people in front of me?

Shifts how you view the mismatched shoes when asked that way right?

Those mismatched shoes could have made me feel bad about myself.

But instead I stood proudly in Publix after church because to me they reminded me that I chose to be present with those in front of me- even if it meant I arrived at church in two different shoes.

Sometimes I think we're not willing to walk around in two different shoes because we've lost sight of the mission.

Mama Warriors, the noisy world can often make us forget our mission.

I'd wager the most important piece of mothering is connection.

Connection is time consuming. Easy to be distracted from.

I encourage you to remember today that your mothering isn't measured by the way people show up today. Regardless of what social media standards say.

Your mothering is measured by YOUR mission.

And sometimes by mismatched shoes.

Make Your Own Mother's Day

"Jesus doesn't belong to church people. But church people belong TO Him, IN Him, and THROUGH Him."

Confession. 

Mother's Day is not one of my favorite holidays. 

Perhaps because I have this Normal Rockwell complex where I think things should/will go a certain way and they don't. Ever. 

Perhaps because one of the keys to having a relaxing day on Mother's Day is not to mother. 

Some of you have produced these wonderful children who make you breakfast in bed, cater to you, write you wonderful cards, and buy you special gifts. 

I have not produced those kind of children. Well, the jury is still out on the wee one, she currently makes me things and professes undying love. 

I have great kids and Sweet Daddy drags them through some nice efforts every year but it's obviously not their first choice. 

So, yesterday I took myself out for a haircut. I picked up cheese dip (my favorite treat) and a coke from Sonic. I came home and binged watched The Middle. 

Happy Mother's Day to me. 

I know Mother's Day is hard for many people, for many reasons. 

Some who don't have their own mother to celebrate with. Some whose arms long for a sweet babe to mother. Some who have challenges in their mothering relationships. 

I've been thinking about how we walk with each other during times like this. 

Our first instinct is to give some cliched bumper sticker comfort. 

Some version of Jeremiah 29:11

As if anyone in pain needs to hear that pain is God's plan for them? 

I don't think God's plan was pain or unbearable grief. 

I do think His plan is healing. His ultimate plan. 

When we see Jesus approach those in need, we don't hear him say "This is your fault" or "This is His plan" or any other mock comfort. 

We see Him gather the people in need into His fold and make them well. 

I think how we comfort those in pain is to let them feel the pain. The grief. 

The only path to healing is THROUGH Him. 

I think we begin to comfort by saying it's okay to NOT be okay. 

Mama Warriors, if this weekend is hard for you, that's okay. 

If your relationships are challenging, or your grief is unbearable, that's okay. 

He will meet you where you are at. 

Not every moment looks like a Hallmark card or movie and that's okay. 

You are seen, you are heard, you are valued. 

Right where you are at.