Blueberry Pancakes

 "Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

A friend posted this weekend a little blurb asking people to share something funny, memorable, etc. that their own father says/said.

I went to type several times.

The only direct quote I can remember from my childhood is "Shut the GD door - I'm not paying to air condition the whole damn neighborhood. What do you think - money grows on trees?"

I don't have many other specific memories of my father, but mostly just a general feeling. Definitely nothing you type in a light hearted "remember how great your dad is/was" kind of post.

My own father worked 4 PM to 4 AM because that was the shift that paid the highest. He came in before we woke for the day and spent the day asleep. The schedule seemed to suit his approach to fatherhood - not present, uninvolved. It solidified his priorities - money over people, work over family.

I don't remember celebrating Father's Day with my dad when I was a kid. I read somewhere once that memories are kind of funny things. Your brain only lets you carry so much. I have a handful of traumatic memories and perhaps my brain only had that much space for him.

Peanut has been incredibly excited about celebrating Sweet Daddy for Father's Day ALL WEEK. The card has been hand crafted. The gift specially chosen. She awoke with tons of energy (unlike her mother who took two Benadryl before going to bed) ready to make the glitter blueberry pancakes for breakfast in bed.

As I type this, she and her Daddy are snuggled up on the couch. Eating pancakes. Watching wrestling - because it's Father Day and Peanut has decided Daddy gets to pick the show.

I'm thankful this morning that my kids can answer that something funny, memorable, or insightful question about their dad.

They can share dad jokes ("It's nacho cheese"). They can share daddy date days to boy band movies, Braves games, or pet stores and donut eating. They'll have memories of him playing the guitar on our couch and singing, often making up his own words. They'll be able to picture him at all the things - the drama productions, the countless baseball games, the VBS family night. He doesn't miss a thing.

While Sweet Daddy is the hardest working employee ever, we all know we come first.

Growing up in a house where I didn't come first, not in action or in theory, was challenging.

Growing up in a conditional father daughter relationship made me struggle with boundaries and being able to declare that I am worthy, fearfully and wonderfully made, and knowing I deserve better.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too, wake up on these holidays and struggle with hard relationships.

Maybe you wake up without the earthly father you deserve, or maybe your earthly father was fabulous but is no longer with us. Or maybe like me your earthly father wasn't fabulous and is no longer with us and that carries it's own struggle.

Maybe your kids wake up without the earthly father they deserve, or their earthly father is no longer with us. Or maybe they struggle with the relationship with their father.

Holidays carry their own burden.

I firmly believe our village doesn't have to be blood related. God gifted me a stepfather who filled shoes that came with anger, distrust and general teenage madness. God gifted me a father in law who calls every time it storms just to make sure we are okay.

But before all that, I had to learn that Jesus was ENOUGH of a father for me.

Maybe all you, or your kids , have this morning is Jesus.

And that's ENOUGH.