Notice

 Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you're going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are. Anne Lamott

Peanut has been asking to go to the park for a while now. I'm not against parks, I'm just not super great in the heat and for some reason my county built all their parks with no bathrooms.

Yesterday gifted us a cloudy morning so I loaded her up.

You see of my huge parenting goals with her is to say "Yes" enough times that she keeps asking. That she believes that there are enough "yes's" to warrant hope that yes will be the answer.

I think we learn too late when we get into the groove of the parent "no" that at some point they quit asking.

As a mother of an elementary child in my now late 40s , the park is sort of my mean girl nemesis.

Each time I take her, I make eye contact with other moms. I smile. I attempt general mom small talk. And almost every time (not always) I am met with dismissive "I'm too cool to talk to you" vibes.

I accept I'm not everyone's cup of sweet tea.

I also accept that I parent differently than a good bit of the park population.

I only have two concerns at the park - safety and character.

I let Peanut play and do just about anything on the equipment provided I don't find it a safety issue. And I'm talking a broken bones safety issue, not a scrape or scratch safety issue. There's a lot to be learned from falling off something a foot off the ground.

I let her play with anyone and navigate playground friendships and only intervene if I feel it's a character issue. There's a lot to be learned in navigating taking turns, creating rules for made up games, etc.

Yesterday Peanut was playing with a small group of children on this piece of equipment. Some younger children were riding, while she and a few other older children were running to power it.

I noticed a few feet from her a little girl intently watching.

While Peanut would never purposefully exclude someone, I want her to be the kid who NOTICES this kid.

I gently approached Peanut and shared "I think she'd really like to be invited to play. Remember how some times you aren't sure if others want you to play too? It's our job to make sure others KNOW they are welcome."

Peanut immediately went over, invited her, and included her in the group.

Peanut was not the "ring leader" of this little playground group of friends. There was definitely an "oldest sibling" little girl that had declared herself to be in charge.

I need Peanut to be able to be the leader when it's a character issue. I realize that her personality is one of a gentle, kind participant. She's imaginative with great ideas but she's not assertive. And that's okay.

I want Peanut to be a "you can sit at my table" kid - and not just one who won't be mean if you sit there, but if she sees you wandering the cafeteria , she will get up and invite you.

We have to teach that.

I want Peanut to not think twice about leaving the 99 to chase the one.

Because the ONE is worthy.

Mama Warriors, these "soft skills" are only taught in teachable moments. We have to be willing to put our book down (or phone or pause the conversation with friend) to get up and help our kids navigate these character playground issues.

I also have to be begrudgingly keep modeling for Peanut how we approach the one.

When the mom with the newborn and the 3 year old enter the park, I put my book down and I offer to push the swing for the 3 year old while mom nurses the new baby.

When the mom is yelling at her kid who is having a big fit, I gently support. I model gentle parenting "It's hard to parent with an audience. Being two years old can be overwhelming. It must be hard to have big feelings and no words to express them." I step into her mess with her.

I keep making small talk with the too cool crowd because some days they look up from their phones and they appreciate the conversation. Some days they were just waiting for someone to engage so they can tell you their hard story they are walking. Not for you to give advice, but for you to say "I'm sorry you are walking hard. It's brave of you to make those hard choices."

We have to NOTICE the one.