Sheep

 "Let your worth be found in who God says you are."

This morning Peanut and I sent Sweet Daddy and the big kids off on a big adventure. White water rafting. Their first trip.

There is still a tiny piece of my heart that hurts with each first I miss. And in the last 3 years, the list is getting long.

Reality tells me that 3 plus hours there, to stand and watch for 3 plus hours, and 3 plus hours home is not what is in Peanut's best interest. And it's a big stretch for me. It's impossible to choose what is best for ME and what is best for each of them every day. Impossible. In this season, our reality is that we have a tween, a teen and a preschooler. In this season, our reality is that my body is healing. In this season, our reality is that we have to make the best of our blessings. Blessings.

The Xman's favorite Bible story as a preschooler was David and Goliath. We even owned action figure huge dolls for many years. There was something about the underdog, the little guy taking a stand that he always liked. My devotion this morning directed me back to that story. To study how David had been equipped for that moment. To study how David embraced his strengths, rather than focus on his weaknesses. To study how David was uniquely David.

"What we should learn from David is that the only way you can defeat your giant is if you face it with what you've learned in the fields with the sheep."

God made me THIS Mama to THESE kids. He made me THIS wife to THIS husband. There is no one better equipped to love these people well than me. No one. I've been called for this. Chosen. He's shaped my heart, conditioned my spirit. He's equipped me.

My time in the field with these sheep - that's what I have to glean from. That's where my answers are when I am lost. My time with these sheep tells me that my big kids need this moment, and my Peanut needs a day designed for a 3 year old. My body needs air conditioning, my own foods, rest. (but mostly air conditioning!).

I'm choosing grace for me today. And rather than comparing myself to others who may be able to do more, I'm choosing grace for them too. Grace that my reality, is different than their reality. Grace trumps judgement.

Mama Warriors, you have spent time in the fields with your sheep. That's where God is growing you. That's where you are the best one for the job. Someone else may do it differently BUT they are not tending your sheep. Your sheep need YOU. You are worthy, you are called.

(Published June 2016)