Strawberry Shortcake Notebooks

 "I've learned people will not guess my needs. They went about their day while I suffered in silence"

Monday Sweet Daddy took our kids to visit family for the day. I had a very unusual day home all by myself.

On my decluttering challenge this week are the night stands in my bedroom. I took everything out, spread it out on the bed, and had the goal of making room in the drawers so the top of the nightstand could stay clear with the exception of the lamp.

Clear surfaces are my new goal with decluttering. I'm finding that seeing clear spaces relax me.

In those drawers are this stack of journals. A mix of journals where I take notes from books, podcasts, sermons. A mix of journals where I've randomly written to each of my three kids over the years during different seasons. A mix of journals where I've written my prayers.

I began to flip through the prayer journals ones with the goal of taking a quick walk down memory lane and then thanking those journals for their service, and recycling them.

And then I opened the first one.

2010 - 2011

That was a big year for our family. The year we got snowed in for days and my kids thanked God for the snow because it meant Daddy was at home with us. That prayer changed the way we did life from then on out.

It was the year that I tutored countless kids who became a part of my heart forever. It was the year I learned that sharing math love was about WAY more than math.

It was the year friends asked me to pray hard things for them. It was the year I prayed for direction and guidance for many.

That was the first year I had kept a written prayer journal.

I had been praying for years about a "just one more" baby. In 2010 I put that prayer in writing.

As I flipped through that book, I saw evidences of marriages I prayed over that are still going strong.

I saw evidence of families I prayed for that grew.

I saw evidence of students I prayed for that God has grown, challenged and blessed - and relationships with those students I still cherish.

I saw evidence of his perfect timing as my just one more came during the hardest year of my life. Nursing her and trying to keep her alive kept me alive.

I haven't kept a written prayer journal in the last few years.

I've been praying about my prayer life over the last few months.

I felt convicted as I flipped through those journals to return to writing down my prayers.

When I write them down, I give them the attention they fully deserve. I focus on what I am really praying for?

Equally important I've realized this week, when I take the time to go back over those prayers, I'm reminded He always shows up.

Not always in the way I've asked, or in my timing, or how I'd like things to go.

But He shows up for me.

For you.

I'm reading this book on boundaries as I'm a recovering guilt-aholic. Saying yes because I will feel guilty if I say no.

I read that quote above

"I've learned people will not guess my needs. They went about their day while I suffered in silence"

It might as well have said "I will passive aggressively slam kitchen cabinets because no one is helping me with house chores." Or any similar statement.

Peanut is currently very sick. The last 24 hours have been hard. I thought on that quote yesterday.

While I would love Sweet Daddy to inheritantly know that he should show up here early from work and be in "all hands on deck" mode, I know it's not going to happen on it's own.

Sweet Daddy is a waffle - and when waffles go to work they are in full "work" mode.

I used my boundaries learning and sent a message "I need you to come home early and be ready to help out."

He came in ready to pitch in. He took the trash out, cooked us dinner while I remade all the beds that had been thrown up on. Helped me carry Peanut to the tub for the fourth time. Watched Peanut while I showered.

I had to give words to each of those requests.

Which normally frustrates me - can't he see I haven't showered? Doesn't he know he's too much to do all these things plus the work hours I've juggled in between cleaning up sick mess?

Instead yesterday I felt relieved. Someone came and helped me carry the burdens because I voiced I needed the help.

I was reminded that each time I have asked God to help me carry the burdens, He's showed up.

But I have to give words to those needs.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too are passive-aggressively slamming your kitchen cabinets. Or mumbling as you carry all the burdens. Or maybe you are a Sigh-er like me.

Maybe you too live in a house where you will have to give words to all the things.

Maybe you too need to pull out a spiral notebook, even if it's the Strawberry Shortcake one you found in the basement, and begin to write down those prayers.

So you can give words to what you need.

So you can see evidence of His goodness.

So one day when you've been up all night watching your 8 year old to make sure she isn't gagging or struggling, you'll remember that day in 2010 when the prayer for her got big enough to be put on paper.

And you'll pull out your Batman notebook, because it's currently what is in the basement, and you'll write "healing and wellness for Peanut" and be amazed she exists.