Show Up

 "Take time to be aware that in the very midst of our busy

preparations for the celebration of Christ’s birth in ancient Bethlehem, Christ is

reborn in the Bethlehems of our homes and daily lives. Take time, slow down, be still, be

awake to the Divine Mystery that looks so common and so ordinary yet is wondrously

present."

Thanksgiving Day as we were watching the parade, trying to get 5 people showered and out the door, baking mac n cheese for a crowd.......Peanut says "Mama I can't wait! Snowflake comes tomorrow!"

I had ZERO idea where Snowflake was.

Snowflake goes back to the North Pole on Christmas Eve every year - which usually means stuck in the back of my 3rd nightstand drawer until next year. Where I can find her.

Last year, SD had covid, our home and our hearts were a mess and the big kids were Santa. They remembered to stash Snowflake but no one remembered where.

45 minutes in the depth of my basement - opening every box, moving every item.

Debating how hard it would be to buy a new Snowflake on Thanksgiving Day.

It felt like a huge victory when the Princess and I found her.

Snowflake showed up on Black Friday as usual. She came with a mini Christmas tree and some fake snow and looked quite festive.

When Peanut awoke she excitedly searched for her. "Mama! I found Snowflake......She's missing her skirt."

Every morning, Peanut wakes and says the same thing.

"Mama Snowflake came. She's missing her skirt."

Every morning I tell her I don't know what happened to Snowflake's skirt. Or why she appeared this year without it since she's had it since Peanut's birth.

I want to say "Snowflake is doing the best she can."

I don't say "Snowflake's new skirt is coming via snail mail."

What I do say is "It sure is fun for Snowflake to play hide and seek with you every day."

Snowflake shows up.

Even though she obviously doesn't have it all together.

Mama Warriors, I think that's what we are called to do in this season.

Show up.

Even if we don't have it all together.

Especially if we don't have it all together.

While Snowflake doesn't have her skirt, and we all know it (now), she still brings joy every single morning with her antics, her hiding skills, and the props/prizes she arrives with.

What is should always outweigh what isn't.

Me Too

 "Happy children aren't children whose every need has been met, but ones who saw happy parents, ones who managed to overcome difficulties, who learned to see the full half of the glass (and you need an empty half to do that)."

I have a blank thank you card sitting on my work stack that's been there well over a month now with the intent to send for this very thoughtful gift.

It's not that I'm not thankful - it's that I am too thankful to find the right words.

How do you say thank you for seeing me in a season where I very often feel unseen by those who surround me?

I touch it every single day. Remembering another line from the movie. As you wish.

As I walked yesterday, which was hard in the way holidays can often be, I tried to remind myself of the things I'm thankful for.

I think I'm most thankful that I don't walk my hard alone.

That there are "me too" people for me.

People who also had a Norman Rockwell vision that was crushed.

People who fiercely love their kids but also walk hard boundaries, truth conversations and accepting relationships don't always look like we wish they did.

People who show up in my inbox, my mailbox and day in and day out remind me that it's normal for it not be okay.

It doesn't change the walk but it sure makes it a lot less lonely.

I'm thankful for everyone for whom their family is their "everything" but I also think it's okay if it isn't.

These people who were given to you by birth or marriage definitely deserve to be loved well but they may not be your people. They may not be people who parent the way you do, or who walk similar struggles, or who support you best.

They may not be your "me too" people.

But I hope, you invest time in being authentic enough to find your people.

It's inconceivable to think you could do life well any other way.

Quiet and Loud

 "We need control in order to feel like good parents, and they need control in order to develop. And in a struggle for control there is only one winner, ladies and gentlemen, and it is always the child. It might take time, at the beginning you might feel as if you've won, but as they grow they will teach you a lesson about losing control."

This Mama is done with Thanksgiving break.

I wake desperately needing my routine.

The wee one wakes totally off routine. There is no morning work to start her day, no school rhythm to order her life. The novelty of waking on Saturday, the only day she's allowed to turn on the TV in the morning, gets old when you are on your 8th "Saturday" in a row.

This morning I woke 1.5 hours early so I could sip hot tea and ground myself.

Guess who also woke 1.5 hours early?

I immediately had this grumpy feeling about the day.

I need my quiet morning. I need the dog to eat his kong snack I freeze the night before which takes him exactly the amount of time to enjoy as it takes me to unload the dishwasher, sip hot tea, and listen to a sermon.

That 25 minutes where no one talks to me, or needs anything of me, is what grounds me for the rest of the day. I breathe in scripture and breathe out my expectations for the day.

I took a deep breath, gave the wee one milk, breakfast and a book. I said "Mommy likes to start her day with tea and a book."

She stopped on every page to tell me something she liked about the story.

I gave up on the sermon and the book.

As I work today to clear off my dining room table to set up my advent wreath and candles, I'm trying to make space for Christmas.

In my home.

In my head.

In my heart.

The thing is the things I'm craving to make space for - the favorite Christmas trinkets, the Christmas music, the warm beverages, the lights on the tree - that's only part of the picture.

That's the quiet part.

I also need to make space for the loud part.

For the little one who wakes extra early every day excitedly searching for Snowflake the elf. For the teenagers wondering which friends they should get presents for, and what they should get. For the new puppy who is beside himself with excitement about all the new things I'm dragging out for him to try to get into. For the shopping, the baking, the going.

I need to prepare for the quiet and for the loud.

I need to make routines amongst the breaks.

Mama Warriors, perhaps this time of year for you begins to feel cluttered and chaotic.

I can't bear to think of buying gifts because it means adding more things for me to manage to my home.

I cringe at creating my December calendar today because somewhere in between midterms/finals, basketball practices/games, work schedules that are already full, we are supposed to add Christmas gatherings/outings/"fun."

I encourage you to make space on your calendar for both the quiet and the loud.

Don't let the loud take over.

Empty Jars

 "The idea of quality time is an unfortunate side effect of a culture that lacks spare time. It is the result of a set of cultural values that requires us to do what we must and only then to find time for what we want."

A nearly empty peanut butter jar is one of Mo Trouble's favorite treats that I give him.

When we've finished the jar, and just the sides remain, I give it to Mo to enjoy.

He takes it from me, runs to his mat and proceeds to paw at it and lick until he's rescued all the peanut butter he can.

And then he brings the jar back to me.

He's learned that I will take the spoonula and I will help him get the rest of the peanut butter where he can reach it.

I will help him do that which he can not do by himself.

He doesn't bring me this jar until he's done all he can do solo.

Even though I could have used my spoonula from the get go and made it so much easier for him.

I stood this morning holding this peanut butter jar thinking about how Mo and me are two of a kind a lot of days.

I do all the things I can do on my own without ever asking God for help.

Even though his spoonula skills are fabulous.

It's not until I'm stuck. Until I don't know what to do, or I can't do that I bring my jar and beg for spoonula help.

It's not until I have no other choices do I often remember to pray about all the things.

Mama Warriors as we all prepare for this holiday on which we are reminded of all the things we are thankful for, I'm reminded that I'm thankful for my faith.

I have more questions than answers. More wonderings than things I'm sure of.

But I know the great holder of the spoonula wants to help me.

It doesn't always look like I think it will.

Sometimes it's me wrestling with my peanut butter jar far longer than I would like, sometimes it's never getting those last wishes out, sometimes it's a new jar. Other times it's a season of no jars.

But I'm thankful I'm not the spoonula. I don't have to fix it all, do it all, be it all.

I can lay my jar down before I ever wrestle with it and be thankful for the gift of prayer.

Nourish

 "Jesus didn't run projects, establish ministries, or put on events. He ate meals." (Tim Chester, A Meal With Jesus)

This past weekend we kicked off the holiday season with the first (of many) family gatherings.

There's nothing like parenting with an audience. Am I right?

For many of us, our toughest audience is our own family.

For some reason, at many gatherings, I feel like my parental worth is based on how my kids eat.

It seems that if your kids eat "well" then you are a good parent. If they don't, then you should have done parenting differently.

If you've dined with me, you know that I am an extremely picky eater. And that was pre-gastro madness. I'm now a severely limited eater and I rarely eat in public. I have raised 2 out of 3 picky eaters.

If you know me, you know that I have a HUGE soapbox about eating to nourish your body. I've tried to teach my own children that they know their body. They know when they are hungry. They should eat. They know when they are not. They don't have to. It's great to try new things, but it's okay if you don't want to. I never force my kids to eat.

It doesn't bother me that my kids are picky. Each of them eats healthy things - you just may not offer them to them. Each of them eats some rainbow colors - you may just not offer the one they like. Each of them, over the course of a week, eats "well." You just may not be present at the meal where that happens.

I share this with you, not in judgement of those who dine with me because they surely love me and my kids, but to share with you about what it really means when we gather around a table.

And because our speech at these gatherings is so often food focused, I just ask that you pause for a moment and hear your words through the lense of love.

We've been walking a sermon series at church about Jesus's table. About the lessons He taught us when he ate with others.

And I'm going to tell you - it's not about the food. It's not about who does or doesn't eat what. What was served or not served. Who brought what, or didn't. Or how it tasted.

It's about the conversation around the table.

It's about the CONNECTIONS.

It's about INVESTING in one another.

It's about being fully PRESENT to one another.

So as you gather at tables this week with others, I challenge you to think beyond the food.

You may dine with people with food association issues. You may dine with people with eating disorders. You may dine with people struggling with making healthier choices. You may dine with people struggling with a gastro disorder. You may dine with people who love to eat, and those who don't. You may dine with people making self deprecating comments because they are unhappy with their weight, or feel judged by what they put on their plate.

I'm going to guess you'll dine with at least one of those and you won't know it.

Enjoy your meal. Food is meant to nourish our body.

But the time around the table with those we love, is meant to nourish our SOUL.

Let's love one another well.

Let's speak from love and not judgement.

Let's think about how the comments about how fat we feel or how our jeans won't fit are filtered through others lenses. Let's think about how our kids hear those comments and what it tells them about the connection between eating and their self esteem. Let's think about how what we say influences the body image of someone else.

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35

Mama Warriors, maybe your kids will eat well this week but will not sit in their chair. Maybe your kids will struggle with communicating with relatives they don't see that often. Maybe they won't want to share their favorite toy when you host a meal. Maybe they will roll their eyes when you remind them to put their phone away.

Remember this glimpse into your child does not define you or them.

This glimpse your relatives get this week, is just that - a glimpse. A blip.

You are defined by Him. And He sees you pouring into them every day. Nourishing their bodies, minds, and souls.

You are worthy.

No matter what happens Thursday

Subtractions

 "They came to us, these kids, to teach us something, remind us of something we used to know. .......Parents who find happiness in these hard places are the ones who manage to raise children who are happy with their lot."

On the calendar for the last six months was a 3 day stay at a local state park. All 5 of us.

I've shared that we don't travel all 5 of us for a variety of reasons, but Peanut requested a "family cabin trip." I chose something close to home (for the unreleased basketball schedule), something large enough for everyone to have their own space, and something that matched being able to spend time with other family.

At the time we booked, there was no dog.

When we adopted Mo, I set about trying to find accommodations for him for a 3 day event. Mo Trouble is adorable but busy and requires supervision and activity. We (and by we, I mean Me) find a great doggie boarding place that offers daycare as well. Not wanting to leave Mo somewhere new for 3 days, I begin taking him weekly preparing him for the trip.

And after his last daycare visit, when he was all set to board, he got sick. And now can't go to pet fun village for the weekend. He can't go with us either because we didn't rent something pet friendly and he's contagious and can't be around other dogs.

As I spent the last few days giving him meds every 4 hours and trying to figure out how to pull off Peanut's family cabin trip and still love our dog well, I've been thinking how rarely does anything look like I envision or hope it will.

Ever the roller coaster with twists and turns, never the strived for boring carousel ride.

Having the dog changes things.

It's this way in all the things.

Marriage changes things.

It was no longer what I wanted to eat for dinner, what I wanted to do on a random Sunday afternoon, what I wanted to spend money on. It is a "we" life - filled with compromises and sacrifices.

Buying a house changes things.

No longer does a landlord come and fix the overflowing toilet or dripping sink. There's a yard that eats up our spare time 8 months of the year. There's a mortgage that gets paid before anything else.

Having kids is the hum dinger of changing things.

My days begin and end with someone else's needs. There is a master family calendar I run - who needs to be where for what, when. There's the balancing of individual needs and the whole family picture.

Things won't be as they were before. They are forever different.

So, now we go into Peanut's "best weekend ever" and it's already looking complicated. The first vacation (she remembers) that she gets to go on.

The main goal being that Peanut has the best time ever AND the dog is well cared for.

Sacrifices are part of the family package.

I've been thinking this morning as I prepare to make the magic of the next 3 days work, how life is supposed to look different after marriage, home ownership, kids, pets. All these things are supposed to grow and stretch us. Change us.

Mama Warriors, I'm also wondering this morning if we look different after Jesus?

Are we growing, stretching, changing?

Are we making the sacrifices we are called to make? Are we loving others first and well?

I think in order to reap the benefits of the additions to our life, we also have to be able to lean into the subtractions. To appreciate that which isn't the same as we bless that which is.