Smoke

 "When you look at a house burning down, the most obvious manifestation is the huge smoke billowing out. It would be easy then to think the smoke is the problem, and if you deal with the smoke you've solved it. The fire department understands you treat the piece you don't see - the flames inside, not the smoke billowing out. What if our problems aren't the fire but the smoke?"

Two weeks ago yesterday I woke up unable to walk. Sharp pains from my lower back into my hip down my leg all the way to my foot. Excruciating.

For a few days I treated my leg. I did all the googling. I asked the facebook experts and I did it. I iced, I did heat, I took anti inflammatory medications, I rested, I stretched, I tried to walk.

On day 3 I was MUCH worse.

As I laid awake all night I selfishly prayed for the smoke. Please make the smoke go away.

I was reminded the smoke is a side effect of the fire. I had to fix the fire.

This is the third time in the last 8 years where I've known that my plate was too full, there was too much going on for ME but I've trucked along because none of it felt optional.

This is the third time in 8 years that I have become bed ridden until I learned my lesson, and some time past that.

A sweet friend asked me what I thought was really going on and I confessed "I don't do stressed well. "

I don't carry a full plate well. I don't process external stresses well. And I may be a bit of a control freak.

So I began to ask for help.

I remembered I know how to say "No."

One of the many hard things I had to accept was the Princess had to drive again. Neither of my kids had driven much, and definitely not without Sweet Daddy in the car, since the accident. At first the Princess was processing, but long after she was ready- I was not.

As I began to stop praying about the smoke, and begin to pray about the fire, I was reminded that many times His timing is not my timing.

I will never be ready for the kids to drive again. The accident was hard and scary. It had very large both emotional and financial consequences for our family. On my timing I'll never be ready.

However, since I could barely walk it no longer became optional but necessary for her to drive again. The lack of working cars made Xman buying , and now driving (still with a learners) , a car became necessary.

Surrendering to change became necessary.

Treating the fire became necessary.

Mama Warriors all too often I think we don't treat the fire, or even acknowledge it exists until we can't see through the smoke.

I challenge you to become tuned in to noticing the fire before the smoke.

Maybe your challenge isn't an overfilled schedule, but maybe you need to learn to ask for help? Maybe you need to acknowledge you aren't grounded in Him? Maybe that behavior your child is exhibiting is a sign of something larger you need to address?

We've become a people that accept insomnia, headaches, gastro issues, the range of health things as the fire.

What if they are the smoke?

(Published November 2020)