Anchor

"Our home is becoming more of an anchor and less a place to land. It's becoming the place where our life unfolds."

Peanut and I went on a walk mid-day today. She's a bicyclist enthusiast these days. A little more than a half hour into her ride, she climbed off her bike, laid down on the ground, and started crying "I can't go anymore." (yes, I'm raising drama queens and kings around here it seems)

So, after my attempt at reasoning with her didn't work, I did what every hot and tired mother would. I picked her up and carried her home. Dragging that bike. Holding on to that helmet. 

I read something this week that said let your life be like drinking from a glass of water, not trying to gulp from a firing hose. 

I've been soaking that this week. 

When I feel tired or stretched, I stop and think - am I CHOOSING the glass of water, or am I CHOOSING the firing hose? 

Is our home our anchor or the place where we pause in between the hurry? 

I'm thankful for many of the silver linings from the great gastro madness. One is that our life now unfolds here, in the comfort of our home. 

We made the decision to move Xman from travel baseball to rec ball this fall. To give him time to be a kid. To ride a bike. To play board games with his siblings. To give us time as a family to do something other than drive him to and from ball fields. To remind us all that he's "just" 14. It was a conscious choice. 

As things go, God took it one step further. Xman has an injury and is out of baseball, and his gym, for the remainder of the season. 

We now have some white space that our calendar hasn't seen during a school year in quite some time. 

Sometimes I think we choose to bike far from home, we choose to exhaust ourselves, and then we are surprised when our bodies, our souls, our minds are too tired to come back home. 

It makes me think of that verse "Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." I don't think Jesus meant exhaust yourself and stop by on Sunday. 

I think He means come to me daily. Choose to rest in me. Over and over. 

Let me be your anchor, your home. 

Mama Warriors, I joke with my big kids sometimes that they are lucky that I was raised as a 1980's kid. That I remember that the world doesn't revolve around them. That I know how to tell them "no" or "not now." 

That I CHOOSE to let our home be our anchor, and not a place we stop by. That our yard, our living room couch, our kitchen table, our driveway - that in these places, our life slowly unfolds. 

Like taking a sip from a magnificent glass of water. 

You, too, can choose - the glass of water or the firing hose. 

If it feels like you can't choose, take it to Him in prayer. Come to me all who are weary....................He will anchor you.

Model

 “Jesus, Willard says, “does not call us to do what he did, but to be as he was, permeated with love. Then the doing of what he did and said becomes the natural expression of who we are in him.”

― Dallas Willard

This week I start teaching a once a week middle grades math class. In this class, we are going to explore the "why" of things not just the "how."

I'm going to ask kids to do the hardest thing you can ask a kid to do in today's society.

Think.

I'm way less concerned with "right answers" and way more concerned with process.

Each week we are going to look at some aspect of computation and wonder.

What happens when you multiply a three digit number by a 2 digit number? Is the answer always the same number of digits? What can we do to get the smallest number of digits? What about the largest?

In math we are often focused on the outcome (the answer) rather than the process.

I think a lot of us make this mistake in life as well.

Focusing on how our kids turn out (what college they go to, what job they get, etc) instead of the process of growing up. Leaving room for mistakes and wonder.

The first thing I've asked my students to do is to introduce themselves to me in numbers.

I never ask kids to do something I haven't already done, so last week I made my own "Me in Numbers" project.

As I met each student at open house, I walked through my project with them. "Here's a little about me" but also "Here's what this assignment looks like finished. Here's how I got these numbers. Here's how I made them into a poster."

I modeled. I showed them.

In teaching, parenting, and a number of facets of life - modeling is the most important tool we have.

Want your kid to learn to unload the dishwasher? You show them how. Then you walk alongside them as they do it. Over and over.

Want a student to write a good paragraph? You "think out loud" as you write a paragraph. You stop and ask questions - what could go next? You show them. Then you walk alongside them as they do it. Over and over.

Want someone to speak respectfully to you? You speak respectfully to them. You show them. Over and over.

If you know me, you know that "verse picking" is one of my all time pet peeves.

Singling out one verse of the bible in order to support your stance.

Verses were never intended to be taken out of context - not historical context, not cultural context, not big picture context.

We've forgotten that Jesus taught us how to be like him by MODELING.

We've gotten too caught up on individual verses and who said them and what they mean.

And we've forgotten that He SHOWED us how to live in the way He lived.

And he did what any good teacher does - He showed us. Then He walks alongside us as we do it.

He modeled.

I also think He's far less concerned with the "right answer" than He is the process of "right living."

Jesus encouraged people to THINK and WONDER.

Mama Warriors, as we continue to walk toward this election as believers, I challenge you to think and wonder.

Are you part of the bridge or part of the ditch?

I'd assert Jesus was always a bridge. Looking for connections. Finding similarities. Listening to the other side.

The ditch diggers are creating divides. Speaking more ugly about the "other candidate" (whoever that is) than speaking positively about theirs. Sharing posts that spawn controversy rather than connection.

Let's model what we want for our kids, for ourselves, for our world.

Let's SHOW others how He walked.

Surrender

"Great people do not do great things. God does great things through SURRENDERED people."

So it seems this high school thing is real. I went this morning to a "Transcript Meeting" to learn all about what the Princess needs to graduate from high school and get into college. I looked around at one point to all the moms frantically taking notes (for the record, I did write a few things down) and thought someone should say "Just take a deep breath."

As we walk these next 4 years with the Princess, I want us to be knowledgeable and prepared. I want to understand all the T's that need to be crossed, and the I's that need to be dotted. I want her to have OPTIONS. Education provides options and opportunities. 

BUT I never want to loose sight of putting first prayerfully considering what God has in store for her. I want us to explore her strengths and weaknesses, her gifts and talents, her interests and aspirations. 

"No unique purpose for your life will fill your soul. The only thing that will fulfill and settle your soul is God himself."

As we take these college prep classes, I don't want to be so focused on what she *might* choose 4 years from now that she misses how God can use her HERE and NOW. I want to leave room for shelving books at the library, for loving on preschoolers at church, for building relationships with friends and family. 

1 Corinthians 2: 9 It is written that

“no eye has seen,

    no ear has heard,

and no human mind has known.” (Isaiah 64:4)

    God has prepared these things for those who love him.

I think this area of high school is one where us parents have the opportunity to get a wee bit crazy. We compare what we see other families doing, classes their kids are taking, opportunities. We push our kids, or support decisions they make, that may not be in their best interest as a KID. 

Comparison robs us of the joy of  obedience.

What God has called me to do with each of my children may not be what God has called you to do. If I give my kids the impression that there is ANYTHING more important than knowing Him and following Him, I'm wrong. 

Mama Warriors, THIS is where it gets real. Those of us with teenagers. This is when we really model how we stop in prayer before we make all these big decisions. Are Honors classes the right fit? Should we add an extra curricular? How is our time best spent? NOW is when we model how we go to Him in prayer and we WAIT for the spirit to move in us. We WAIT for answers. 

We can't possibly know it all. Right  now, my Princess wants to be a mental health therapist. Psychology and all things of the brain fascinate her. She reads scholarly articles for pleasure on those topics. I don't know for sure what God will call her to in 4 years. My part isn't to know - it's to TRUST that He has a great plan for her IF I just guide her with the wisdom to WAIT on Him. 

I challenge you to not get caught up in making the perfect plan for high school (or middle school or elementary school or preschool). I challenge you to stop and ask Him in prayer. Surrender the details of your life to Him. It will be worth it.

Hang the Towel

"The point of wrestling with God is to give you an opportunity to cling to him."

Our home has two bathrooms (tiny house HGTV folks.......TWO....you need TWO). In each of those bathrooms, is one of these rods where you hang a hand towel. 

EVERY time I go to dry my hands, the hand towel is gone. Missing. I'm the ONLY one who can seem to replace a hand towel. 

My house is full of these kinds of things. Things I'm the only one who sees. Things I'm the only one who does. 

No one has ever thanked me for the placement of the hand towel. 

I often feel unnoticed. Unappreciated. 

I'm going to confess there are moments I feel unnoticed in my spiritual life as well. 

I'm diligently praying. Reading His word. And, sometimes I feel silence. 

Like He doesn't see me hanging the hand towel. 

Like if He did see me hanging the hand towel, He'd make Himself known. 

The problem is that I'm trying to hold God responsible for my expectations for earthly relationships. 

I'm expecting my people to show up for me because I show up for them. I'm expecting my people to hang a hand towel every now and then, or say thank you when they see one there. I'm expecting my people to give and take. 

My relationship with God can not be based on my expectations. 

It has to be based on His character. 

I have to trust that He is who He says He is even if. 

Even if He doesn't answer my prayers in the ways I see fit. 

Even if He appears to be silent. 

Even if. 

I trust His character even if. 

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Mama Warriors, this mama gig is all about being unnoticed. Digging in and doing the hard, even if. Even if the preschooler throws a tantrum. Even if the tween rolls his eyes. Even if the teenager is sure I don't understand her. 

I'm hanging the hand towel. 

I'm showing up. I'm trusting. 

I'm trusting He has called me to be unnoticed in this season. But He notices me. He cares about me. He loves me. 

Even if.

Change the Roll

"Life has valleys and mountains and the people who won’t let themselves experience the agony of being in the valley also don’t get to experience the ecstasy of the mountains."

The sight in this picture is a common one in my home. 

I know, shake your head. We have five people and two bathrooms. Four of us are here quite a bit. We go through some toilet paper. 

When I came upon this one this week, I had a my hands full of the laundry I was gathering and decided I'd have to come back and swap that out later. 

As is normal here, I got busy and when I went to use that restroom later, I realized the roll had been changed. 

Only one other person changes the roll in my house. I would bet you won't guess the right one? 

Peanut. 

Peanut is the toilet paper roll changer. She does it without telling anyone, without drawing attention to the fact that she, at the age of 7, had to go search for another roll and replace it. She doesn't yell at her siblings who leave her with no toilet paper regularly. 

She quietly sees a need and she fills it. 

She doesn't ask if it's needed because she knows it is. 

She stands in the gap. 

I didn't sleep much last night. Somewhere between birthing a child at nearly 40, gastro madness, and 40s hormones, my body has forgotten how to sleep. 

When I can't sleep, I begin by praying for all my people. I send thoughts for each of them into the night. 

My heart is heavy for my people. 

People who are grieving hard losses. 

People who are making tough decisions. 

People who are struggling with their health. 

People who are overwhelmed with life. 

People who have broken relationships that need mending. 

I look at each of these people and wonder how in the world I can help them carry these loads?

Then I think - change the toilet paper roll. 

Stand in the gap. 

I pray for them. I write words for them and send via snail mail so they can read them again and again. I send certificates for meals (you do not want me to cook for you - trust me). I message. I check in. I am purposeful in passing down our items we no longer need to those I think may enjoy them. 

I take inventory of what I have to offer, and I change the toilet paper roll. 

I think it's really that simple. 

Loving each other well. 

We aren't called to fix each other. 

I'm not called to heal your grief, mend your broken relationship, maintain your health, or even carry the burdens you've been given. 

I am called to walk alongside you. 

To stand in the gap when you don't know how to pray. 

To remind you that you are enough, you are worthy, you are loved. 

To point you toward the One who can heal your grief, mend your broken relationship, maintain your health and even carry the burdens you've been given. 

Mama Warriors, I think a lot of times we do nothing not because we don't care. We all care very deeply. But because we don't know what to do. 

We feel like we can not make the changes that our people need. 

We are not called to be the fixer. 

We are simply called to change the roll. 

Stand in the gap. 

Walk alongside. 

I challenge you today, on this Sweet Sunday morning, to choose one friend or family member this week to change the roll for. 

Send the card. 

Offer a meal. 

Pray BIG prayers. 

Stand in the gap. 

Change the roll.

unfriend

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."

I've been avoiding writing this one for nearly a month now. I have found that when something is laid upon my heart, not writing about it doesn't make it not exist. 

It just makes it something that I don't wrestle or process or learn from. It becomes something instead that sows a seed of anger or resentment. Or something that just nags at me. 

On the Xman's sixteenth birthday, I wrote what I felt was a thoughtful and loving happy birthday post and included a few pictures of him over the years. 

Within seconds of it posting, he was standing in front of me having a toddler size tantrum about my post. 

Apparently someone might see a picture of him as a cute five year old and do what exactly? Or someone might know his mother loves him and do what exactly? 

I realized that I had for weeks been tempering what I wrote and posted because I knew he would comment. Not just on things that had anything to do with him (because I was careful to not write about him or post pictures of him), but on the smallest of things he became overly critical. 

He walked away after not having a very mature or civilized conversation with me and I decided in that moment that I had allowed his behavior to change my actions. 

So I unfriended and blocked him. 

Yep - the child I gave birth to can longer read my ramblings or share this space with me. 

Honestly - there are very few people related to me that can see these posts (thus the reason they are not public and have to be copied and pasted to share). 

Over time I have had the same struggle with others related to me where I have been criticized and chastised for what I choose to write about or share on MY social media page. Where you also have the choice to either follow or not. 

If I'm honest with myself, the judgement of my choices and conversations around them have always been present. I parent differently than I was parented. I hold a faith that in action looks different than I was raised. I've grown and changed. 

Boundaries are a very hard but very necessary part of life. 

I think we have the hardest time setting boundaries with the people closest to us. 

We are willing to give up the most for those in our inner most circles. 

I think a lot of times we consider this to be part of the sacrifice we are called to live into. 

I challenge it is not. 

We are called to give of ourselves in terms of our time, our gifts, our finances, our talents, our things, our love. 

We are not called to become different people simple to be loved by those close to us. 

I think women struggle with this intimately. 

We think allowing our authenticity to be changed is part of sacrificial love. 

We become lovable by others rather than insisting those around us accept us as worthy and enough as we are. 

When we don't set boundaries, we change the essence of who we are to meet other's needs.

People who authentically love us should not ask us to become different people in order to be worthy of their love. Or like. Or affection. Or time. 

People who love us should not make us feel unworthy, unloved or not enough. 

And if they do - it's because we've allowed it. 

That's a tough truth for me to swallow today. 

Mama Warriors, we teach people how to treat us - we've all heard that. 

Changing who you are to love those around you is not sacrificial love. 

Sacrificial love is pouring out from your authentic self. Giving of your gifts, your talents, your finances, your things, your love. Gifting others pieces of who you are. 

A new common phrase for me is "I don't deserve to be treated this way. I won't be present for this."

It's still hard for me to say. 

I think we have the hardest time setting boundaries with those closest to us but I think they are the most important boundaries we will ever set. 

Have the courage to love yourself. 

I hope over time the people with whom I've set hard boundaries with will come to appreciate both the boundaries and the person setting them. 

But if not, that's okay too. 

Because I am worthy of them. 

And you are too.

AOS Faith

 "When a scripture text seems inconsistent with something Jesus says or the way he acts, and I have to choose between the two, I'll choose Jesus every time. John describes Jesus as God's Word that became flesh: he is the definitive Word of God. All other words in scripture were mediated through ordinary human beings." Adam Hamilton, Half Truths

My favorite grocery store is Aldi.

I'm all about getting enough food for meals for my family for an entire week on only 4 aisles in less than 30 minutes. No wandering around trying to find things. No massive decisions. Want green beans - there's one option. Need canned biscuits? Here's your one choice.

Shopping at Aldi is part of my plan to extinguish decision fatigue.

My favorite aisle at Aldi is collectively known as the "Aisle of Shame" (caw caw anyone?).

For those not bringing your own quarter to shop, the AOS aisle as it's affectionally known is full of everything you want but didn't know you needed. Rainboots? Check. New cutesy planner? Check. Candle or card for a gift? Check.

You don't tell the AOS what you need. It tells you.

As I wandered the AOS letting it speak to me last week, I thought about this idea of "shame."

Brene Brown is my favorite writer on shame. She defines shame as " the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection."

She determines a distinction between shame and guilt. Guilt is "is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort."

If I buy something on the AOS that I don't need, I don't feel guilt. Nothing about purchasing a seasonal adorable gnome for my mantle is inherently evil or wrong.

What I instead feel is shame. I feel bad that I bought something I didn't "need" because I've determined shopping is for necessity.

Apparently this is a common thought as they don't call it the "Aisle of Guilt."

I think a lot of what we label as "guilt" in our lives is actually just "shame."

And shame is like a "should" - it's not helpful.

Guilt is productive. Guilt does a work in our heart and our minds and changes our actions. Or it is designed to.

Shame just makes us feel bad. Shame sends the message that we are never going to be enough. Never going to do enough. Never going to be fully loved.

I'm currently reading this book called Half Truths where the author investigates bumper sticker Christian sayings and asks the question - is that scripture based?

As I'm reading, I'm thinking about how we have misread the Bible as a book intended to make us feel guilt. But what we really feel is shame.

And I'd assert the purpose is neither.

I think we've become a body of Christ who labels things like the Aisle of Shame without ever pausing to ask "Is that truth?"

Or is it just a half truth that has been slapped on a bumper sticker so we believe it?

Did we read that we should feel bad for buying something on the coveted middle aisle of Aldi so we do?

Little known fact. Aldi makes the majority of their income off the middle aisle. That's where the profit margin is the greatest. So every time I buy a cute gnome, not only does my mantle look festive but it helps the cost of my milk stay low.

Taking time to investigate a half truth - to read more than just the single verse some preacher spouted one Sunday - changes the perspective.

Context and culture matter.

A little information goes a long way.

Mama Warriors, I encourage us to be people who don't just feel shame for buying the gnome but rather do the research.

I encourage us to be people to ask the big questions.

To wrestle with scripture.

To come down on the side of Jesus.

Perception and Truth

“You shall love the stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt.” Those most likely to befriend strangers, in other words, are those who have been strangers themselves. The best way to grow empathy for those who are lost is to know what it means to be lost yourself.”

I have reached the age where I require a box fan to sleep. On high. Both because I run warm all the time and am a light sleeper who needs the consistent white noise. 

As the summer heated up, I began to move my box fan around with me during the day. In the kitchen when I'm cooking and teaching. In the living room when I am working and relaxing. 

I read something last week when I was researching our basement ac problem. 

"Fans cool people not rooms."

I promise you my bedroom feels cooler with the two fans running. 

However, the thermostat says otherwise. 

The only real change is my perception of the temperature. 

I've been reading and studying and listening to sermons on the idea of loving your neighbor as yourself. Loving your enemies. 

Loving His people. 

Over the last few months, I'm going to say, I'm finding His people harder to love. 

I realized this morning that His people aren't different because of some virus, some political differences, some opinions. 

I only perceive them differently because I am now aware of what seeps when they are stretched. 

People haven't changed. 

Just my perception of them. 

I'm finding that sort of hard to digest today. 

I turned on a podcast by one of my favorite authors this morning on my walk. As soon as her voice came on I immediately thought "That's not what she sounds like."

You see, I had never heard her voice before but when I read her- she sounds differently in my head. 

I was surprised this morning when the truth was so much different than my perception. 

I think that's what we are all struggling with during the time of the pandemic more than anything else. 

The truth is much different than our perception. 

Perhaps you, like me, are struggling with the space between your perception and truth. 

As I walked this morning and adjusted my perception to match the truth in this author's voice,  I began to wonder what I was supposed to do with this space that exists. 

I wondered what I was supposed to learn from this space I'm sitting in. 

I realized so many of my struggles are sitting in this space between perception and truth. 

Mama Warriors, perhaps you too are struggling and sitting in a place between what you perceived and the truth. 

Maybe it's as simple as how you viewed this school year would go and how it actually is. 

Maybe it's a little more challenging like how you perceived those you do life with believe and what they actually do. 

Maybe loving your neighbor is a little more complicated as we see what each of seeps when we are stretched. 

I'm finding today that there are also differences between what I have always perceived to be truth and what scripture actually says. 

And maybe that is the space I'm going to sit in today. 

In the space where we might otherwise think we are disappointed, perhaps that's the space we are supposed to grow. 

Maybe this space between perception and truth is where we are supposed to learn to love each other. 

Maybe this space is where we are supposed to learn to seep grace and kindness when we are stretched. 

Maybe instead of looking outward at how the world isn't how we thought it was, we are supposed to look inward and ask how we are responding to what really isn't new truth. 

Maybe we are supposed to love ourselves in that space. 

Just maybe we are supposed to love one another in that space. 

Maybe the bridge between perception and truth is love.

New is Scary

 "God gave us a brain, a heart, a conscience, his Spirit, the Scriptures, and the ability to interpret them as guides to help us select the right path." Adam Hamilton, "Half Truths"

This week our "just one more" baby started middle school.

It seems unfathomable that we are already here.

As we packed her back pack for co-op classes, I began to worry a little.

Was she ready?

Have I prepared her for the challenges of this 6th grade year?

As she picked up a back pack that weighs nearly as much as she does, I began to consider how heavy the burden of the middle school years can be.

I looked at my own planner and fretted about how I had not taken the time (despite carving out planning days for myself) to plan out our days subject by subject.

As I opened my planner, I saw the first few pages.

Where I had painted the big picture of the year.

Where I had prayed over and chosen our mission for the year.

"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Col 3:14

"What does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

This year I aim to focus on respect (act justly), kindness (love mercy) , and humility (walk humbly).

Throughout all our activities....appreciating the arts, creating, connecting, exploring and serving - we aim to bind them together in love.

As I walked her into school Tuesday, I reminded her that once, just last year, she was new.

New is scary.

We talked about how it's our job to see the new people.

It's not their job to find someone to sit with at lunch. It's our job to find someone who needs a place to sit.

It's not their job to ask how to get to the next class. It's our job to notice people looking at their schedule. It's our job to seek out the new faces.

The thing is if we are looking for ways to be the HELPER - it reminds us of what we do know.

We do know where the lunchroom is. We do know the procedure for going to the bathroom. We do know some of the faces.

Often in new situations we get caught up on what we don't know.

Because we are only thinking about ourselves.

But if we start to think about OTHERS, we can put our own anxiety into perspective.

Mama Warriors, I think we are in danger of raising a generation of entitled kids.

NOT because of materialistic gifts but because we've given them the impression that everything is about THEM.

As I walked a nervous Peanut into school, I could have easily focused on her nerves. I could have made assurances that she would be fine. Which may or may not be true.

I could have taken the stance that the first day was all about her.

But it's not. As in most of life, school is a team effort. As part of a team, it's important to SEE other people. To meet them where they are at. To respect. To be kind. To be humble.

I think we all could take a moment to SEE other people.

You aren't the only driver on the road.

You aren't the only shopper in Walmart.

You aren't the only parishioner in church.

What if we spent our days thinking "how can I be the HELPER?"

What would our community look like?

Be the Change

"Live what we want our children to learn."

That picture is the Xman's schedule. Which is here. In my house. On his desk. The two copies I printed before that have gotten lost between open house and today. We arrived at co-op today and he had no schedule. 

I'd like to say when the realization hit that he had no schedule that I responded with loving warmth reassuring him that accidents happen. 

Instead I may have asked him how many times I asked him if he was ready? If he had everything? And how many times did he tell me "yes." And was he ready? Did he have EVERYTHING? No.

This morning I finished the book "The Gift of Anger" by Arun Gandhi, the grandchild of Mahatma Gandhi. In it, he talks about a time when he was 16 and his Dad asked him to drop him off for a conference, run some errands, and pick him back up at 5:00. Arun finished his errands early and decided to see a movie. In order to make the 5:00 pick up, he would have to leave the movie early. 

He lost track of time, and it was 6:00 when he showed up to pick up his father. His father asked "Why are you so late?" Arun lied. Told his father the car errand took longer than expected. Turns out the mechanic had called his father to let him know the work was done much earlier. Arun's father tells him he knows he lied. 

The interesting part of this story to me happens next. 

Arun's father says " I'm sorry you lied to me today. I have failed as a parent to give you the confidence and courage to tell the truth. Somewhere I made a mistake. I will take this walk to think of how I could have better taught you to know the importance of telling the truth."

And Arun's father proceeded to walk home. 

Six hours. 

Arun, couldn't leave the car, but felt such guilt because his father was taking on the burden of his mistake that he drove slowly behind him, following him all the way home. 

Six hours. 

Arun shares that he has never forgotten that moment. Instead of humiliating him and punishing him, Arun's father makes Arun a partner in the problem and the need to correct it. 

I'm going to confess. We are walking some tough parenting here. 

Tough. 

I've been soaking that story since I read it yesterday. 

The thing about parenting is that I can't control the outcome. 

For us google calendar, control freaks, that's a little tough. 

I can only control ME. 

So, during this tough parenting season, I'm going to look into my mirror and my soul and figure out how I could teach them better. Model better. 

How I can be BETTER. 

I can seek wisdom in my Bible. I can pray for them. 

Rather than pointing my finger at the child who's schedule has been forgotten, I can partner with him in identifying the problem and WHY it needs to be corrected. 

44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:44 - 45

Mama Warriors, it's with great grace that the Bible tells us we don't get what we deserve. 

I think how Arun probably "deserved" to walk home that day. 

His father took the burden of the responsibility for the lie from Arun. In one of the greatest "teachable" moments possible. 

He chose to look inward and see how he could be better. How he could improve. 

I'm a huge fan of holding our kids accountable. HUGE. I'm not at all saying we forgive and forget and let them run wild. 

I am sharing from my heart that we should hold ourselves accountable to. 

Be the change you want to see in the world - Gandhi says. 

I'm sure that applies to parenting - BE the change you want to see in your kids.

Whisper

Sue Heck: Okay, as I'm sure you know, it's Mom and Dad's anniversary coming up. It's their 20th! So what are we going to do for them?

Axl Heck: We lit up their lives every day. What more do they want?

(The Middle) 

Peanut has spent the last week trying to "whisper" to her siblings. She desperately wanted to create an anniversary surprise for her father and I. 

I watched her try several times and I watched her siblings ignore her or brush her off. I knew she was up to something. 

And as our life goes, it went typical The Middle style. 

Neither of her big kids wanted to be part of her plan. 

Both think coming up with anniversary plans was our job. 

Neither got on board with Peanut's enthusiasm or her grand plan. She knew the Xman likes to cook so she wanted him to make a dinner, "You know like spaghetti!" She knows the Princess loves music so she wanted her to make a play list. Peanut was going to be in charge of setting the table and making it "fancy."

I was teary for her this morning on the drive to school when she said "Mommy I tried but the big kids won't whisper with me. So I'm just going to tell you what I wanted. Then you can picture it."

Peanut is always about everyone else. 

She can't fathom that you aren't too. 

It would never occur to her that I'm supposed to do something myself for my anniversary. 

She knows its our anniversary and therefore just knows in her heart she wants to do something for us. 

As I tearfully listened to her on the way to school this morning, I circled back to the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. 

Maundy Thursday. 

Our Peanut was born on Maunday Thursday 8 years ago. The word "maundy" in Latin is "command" - it comes from the Last Supper where Jesus commanded us to love and serve one another.

We are called to wash the feet. 

We are not above washing the feet. 

Washing the feet is not someone else's job. 

Once you know about the dirty feet, it's YOUR job. 

I think we get really caught up in whose job it is, or more specifically that its not ours, that we miss the opportunities. 

We don't feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, clothe the needy, visit the sick. 

We don't cook the spaghetti or create the playlist. 

Because it's not our "job."

We're too busy being independent goats to remember that we are called to be sheep. 

Mama Warriors, Holy Week always gives me all the feels. 

I pulled up some pictures of the stations of the cross for Peanut and I to use tomorrow. Each one is so moving. 

How do we look at Jesus on the cross (or a visual representation of that) and not feel compelled to love like He does? 

So tonight, Peanut and I will set the table. 

We'll dust off that bath and body works candle someone gave us in 2001 it seems and find the lighter. 

We'll put the nice tablecloth on and "fancy" up the dining room. 

Because I want Peanut to always want to serve others. 

I want Peanut to know that Jesus would have fancied up the table. 

Make time for the whisper conversations this Holy Week.