Bad Pants

 "Isn't it amazing what we will do at our own expense? I've decided that even if I have to wear something with a stretch waistband the rest of my life, I'm not going to demean myself by wearing clothes that hurt me....

No more bad pants.

One of the ways we punish ourselves for not being more or better or thinner or stronger is by trying to squeeze ourselves - force ourselves, even - into all kinds of ill fitting relationships. With other people, with ourselves, with our pants."

Leana Tankersley

Peanut is attending horse camp this week for the first time. She's been "nervacited" - that mix of nervous and excited.

She's had this great opportunity to meet new kids, play outdoors, and learn to ride a horse.

When I picked her up today, she was playing a game of Truth or Dare with a group of kids who were a smidge older than her.

Peanut has never played Truth or Dare before and my Mama heart did this little jump when I heard the girl daring her to do something that I knew Peanut wouldn't want to do.

I watched her face as she tried to process her options. As she questioned the little girl "Do this?"

I scooped her up, ended the game, and brought her home.

Where I'd honestly love to keep her. Forever.

With no outside influences. No kids that say words we don't say. No exposure to things that aren't age appropriate.

However, that's not what is best for Peanut.

I need to teach Peanut to know what is right for her deep in her soul.

I need to encourage her to choose that.

Be true to herself.

Speak up.

Truth or dare requires a level of trust. We don't owe our truths to everyone.

I want Peanut to know you don't have to wear bad pants.

At horse camp, there is a pregnant horse.

I stood there watching her today, obviously uncomfortable and I think probably hot. I was hot.

I thought about how motherhood changes you.

How you have to find the strength to wear the pants with stretch waist bands IF that's what your body, soul, mind need. Even if everyone else wears skinny jeans.

How you have to find the people that are worth playing truth or dare with.

Mama Warriors, we spend too much our time wearing bad pants.

Sticking with clothes, relationships and spaces that aren't a good fit for us.

Holding on too long.

Playing truth or dare with people who haven't earned the right to hear our truths.

Let the bad pants go.

Set them free.

Make space for better ones.