Black and White

 “Aristotle was especially aware of the importance of this benevolent form of self-love, when he wrote, “All friendly feelings for others are an extension of man’s feelings for himself.”54”

― Roman Krznaric, Empathy: Why It Matters, and How to Get It

Most days I put on my shoes and Father Mike and I go for a walk. While I put one foot in front of another, Father Mike reads me a chunk of the Bible and then explains it to me.

I listened to day 61 today and this is probably the most consistent habit I've developed.

I was thinking today about what has made this a habit for me, while MANY other "good for me" things that I have tried I have not stuck.

Father Mike begins every podcast episode thanking me for coming. He's EXCITED to "see me." In the middle of every podcast, he prays over ME. At the end of every podcast, he reminds me that God loves me. He reminds me that he prays for me. He asks me to pray for him, and thanks me in advance.

There's good stuff in between those key pieces, reading of scripture, explaining of scripture - but it's honestly Father Mike's praying over me out loud AND reminding me that he's praying for me every day as a listener. That God's word will saturate my heart.

That I'll be changed by what I hear. Every word feels authentic and heartfelt.

He admits when he struggles with scripture. He shares that new habits are hard. He sits with the hard pieces and ponders.

When he speaks to me, he LIFTS me up.

Through words, through scripture, through prayer.

There are days that Father Mike speaks kinder to me than anyone else. Raising strong willed children isn't for the faint of heart.

This weekend Peanut and I were having breakfast and she asked me how my sleep was.

I said to Peanut "I had a hard time sleeping. I'm not a good sleeper."

To which she quickly responded, "Mommy that is not true. That is black and white thinking."

Peanut and I had just learned about black and white thinking this week. "Black and white thinking is an unhelpful thought. It means you think things are all bad or all good, with nothing in the middle. Black and white thinking can lead to thinking about mistakes and failures as signs that a person isn't ever going to succeed."

Ouch.

I had assigned myself a quality that was unchanging.

So together we challenged my black and white thought "I'm not a good sleeper."

We decided that :

"I need routines in order to get a good night's sleep."

"A good night's sleep for me might be different than a good night sleep for someone else."

"For now, being up super late makes it hard for me to fall asleep. "

We spoke truth that allowed for a growth mindset.

As Father Mike was praying over me this morning, I realized that I keep coming back to this podcast because it grows me.

He reframes the black and white version of things I've read before. He makes space for gray and encourages me to sit there.

He reminds me that just because I missed one day does not make me a "bible in a year" failure.

He helps me challenge that thought by reminding me that I've now done 61 days. It takes 30 days on average to commit something to a habit. So I've just double downed.

Mama Warriors, I think we are the hardest on ourselves with our black and white thinking.

Yesterday I took a hat and sunscreen to a picnic lunch date and then FORGOT to use either. Peanut came home sunburnt and in pain.

I felt AWUL.

I must be the worst mother - who packs all that stuff and then doesn't use it?

Black and white thinking.

I was so PRESENT in our time - with her, with friends - that I forgot to use our sun protection stuff.

I learned from that - I put sunscreen on her the moment I dressed her this morning, complete with hat.

I did make sure she ate, drank plenty of fluids, and was kind to friends.

I'm not an awful mother, just one that has room to grow.

Maybe you can reframe your thoughts as well.

Maybe you have room to grow too.