Enough

 "We know, deep down in the core of our being, that we are not enough. That what we offer is pittance compared to the task before us. We feel small and insignificant because we ARE small and insignificant."

This past week I finished reading a book on "sleep solutions." The author mentioned that insomnia is the only condition in which the patient diagnoses himself/herself.

Insomnia is essentially being DISSATISFIED with the quantity or quality of sleep.

The author talked about how your perception of your sleep drastically affects your sleep. Sleep is a primary instinct and the body won't get zero sleep. So, if you perceive how much sleep you get as not ENOUGH, then it's not enough for you.

I've been pondering that this last week and working on changing my perception of my sleep. I've been telling myself that I am a good sleeper. I've been telling myself that the sleep that I'm gifted is restorative. I'm telling myself that the sleep that I get is the elusive ENOUGH.

I think this idea of how we view ENOUGH translates to all areas of our life.

I'm feeling some heavy mama guilt this week over how limiting my health struggles have been for my kids. How I've shortened the Peanut's radius. How there are many things she's never experienced because of me. How she constantly talks about all the places she wants to go.

How the Princess has struggled with friendships because I'm not the carnival cruise director of fun as some of the other moms are. And so, she's often left out.

How I've modeled choosing home for the Xman instead of braving your fears and tackling your anxieties and going anyway.

My mama guilt suitcase is heavy this week.

What if instead, I accepted that I will never be ENOUGH for them?

And that not being ENOUGH is how He designed it?

What if instead, I accepted that I've modeled for them how you need Jesus?

What if instead, I accepted that I've showed them how to listen to your body, to trust His process?

What if instead, I accepted that I"m small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things? That what great parenting requires is a great Savior?

That what He's gifted me is ENOUGH?

The the trials my kids experience through this walk are part of their journey.

What if instead, I accepted that their story is THEIR story?

What if instead, I accepted that I'm not to be the center of their world?

What if instead, I accepted that "success is not our goal but rather faithfulness?"

My goal isn't to raise a specific kind of kid with specific experiences but rather to be faithful to Him through the journey.

Mama Warriors, I've found this holiday season is one that tends to fill the guilt suitcase. What if instead, we unpacked it, we laid it as His feet and we thanked Him for being ENOUGH?

Originally published 2017