Long Hike

 "inside the itchiness of our own skin is where we discover who we are."

One of Peanut's favorite places to go is what she calls "the water park" (3rd kid, she's never seen anything other than a natural version). On one of our recent trips, she said "I really want to be on the other side."

I shared with her that to get to the other side, we'd have to hike the half mile out, and then hike another half mile or so around, and then hike back in from the alternative path.

We didn't have time that day to go back out, around, and hike back in from the other way. And if we did, she wouldn't have enough time play.

She didn't understand why I just wouldn't take the shortcut and go across the rocks. I explained the rocks are slippery and I didn't feel that was a safe choice for us.

I started thinking this morning how many of us don't want to hike back out. We want the short way. The fastest. Even if it's not the best for us.

Water always makes me think of baptism. The constant renewing.

I thought about my own baptism. I was baptized on Mother's Day the year I turned 13.

I don't remember having any kind of testimonial moment. My mom wanted us to be baptized, so my brother and I were both baptized.

I believed so it felt like a "let's check that off the list" kind of thing. I mean, I did want to grow up to be a good Christian.

I have cried ugly tears at every baptism I have ever attended.

Except my own.

13 year old me didn't really know herself so apparently this didn't seem odd.

I didn't really think about owning your own baptism until the last few years. About it really resembling a continual renewal. A choice. A commune.

I think about my faith a lot like I think of Peanut sitting there at the edge of the water. Wanting to be on the other side.

I was raised in a Christian church. I can tell you all the stories - the Noah,the Moses, the Jesus. I can still sing you the song about Zaccheous in the tree.

But about 7 years ago I sat at the edge of that water and knew I had come at my faith the wrong way. I had come the short path. I believed what they spoon fed me. I drank the koolaid.

And I chose, even though it would seem pointless to everyone else - to walk away from the water. To back myself the long way out. And to head toward the water again.

Authentically.

Love God, Love People.

To no longer be okay with digesting anything at face value.

To read. To research. To pray.

To know.

It's been a LONG road.

And one day, hopefully soon, I pray to be back at the side of the water. Ready to choose baptism.

A few years ago I stood on the side of a lake as Sweet Daddy baptized the Princess.

Her story isn't mine to share , and I would not do it the eloquent, graceful justice she does, but she walked through fire to be baptized.

She wrestled, she grappled, she questioned, she pursued.

When you walk through fire, you become fire proof.

Mama Warriors, maybe you've come to a season of your life where you feel that itchiness under your skin.

That little reminder that you are not completely okay with where you are.

Maybe your itchiness isn't your faith, maybe its a relationship, a challenge or the struggles in your community.

I challenge you to lean in to the itchiness.

Do the hard work.

Dig until you get to the root.

I do believe IF we are in tune with His tugs, He prepares us for the tough moments through the small itches.

All too often I think we ignore the itch and then act surprised when we are met with an overwhelming challenge.

To grow we have to be willing to say "this isn't working for me" - we have to be willing to walk away from the comfortable, to take the long hike out and around, and come at life through a new direction.

If it isn't working for YOU, it's not working.

Tune into what makes you uncomfortable and be willing to sit there.

Otherwise, 45 year old you won't be any wiser or happier than the 13 year old version. Originally published July 8, 2021