Pie Chart

 "I poured so much of myself into her that there's nothing left now. I gave her the very best I had to give, and now.....I find I do not have a great deal more left to give."

One of Peanut's current favorite movies is "Yes Day."

The premise of the movie is that the children think the mom is "no fun" and so she decides for a full day to say "yes" to all the things.

The audience got to see glimpses into the mom's life before the kids came. Trust me, she was fun.

The kids never saw this version of "mom."

Jennifer Garner's character in the movie tells the kids she was fun before her job became keeping them healthy, safe, and helping them grow into good people. She gave up "fun" for boundary keeping, accountability holding and family building.

I recently listened to a podcast about the "wine culture of motherhood." This idea that mothering is so overwhelming that you need to drink to survive it.

I also listened to a podcast that sort of advocated the martyrdom of motherhood. Sacrificing all the things for the "sake of the children." The idea that it's pure joy to mother.

I'd like to assert there's some grass between those two fences.

No one who has survived the toddler tantrum years or the teenagers who tell you they hate you is going to assert that ALL of motherhood is "pure joy."

There's no hashtag blessed feeling when you are trying to wrestle a screaming kid into a car seat.

There's no live, laugh, love happening as your preteen is sighing dramatically and slamming a door.

But I also think making it seem like you "need" to drink to endure this is also off the mark.

I read the quote above in a fiction book this week. The narrator was commenting about her own life in reference to a book she read for book club.

She has this "aha" moment where she realizes she's given EVERYTHING to this currently very ungrateful, disrespectful teenager. She gave her best.

And not only does that not seem to have gone well, but she also has nothing left to give.

I'm having a few "aha" moments of my own lately.

We talk to our kids all the time about living a balanced life.

If you life is a pie chart, no one piece of your pie should be significantly larger than any other piece.

School, work, friends, family, relationships, church, exercise/health, community - all hold pie pieces.

When we allow one pie piece to dominate our chart our lives become unbalanced.

I think often in mother hood we let the "kids" piece of the pie chart over take the whole dang pie.

Because they are needy. Because it feels like we "should." Because they are loud. Because someone has to do ALL the things.

I think the grass between the fences grows best when the kids piece of the pie chart is a balanced piece with all the other pieces.

A few months ago I started taking some steps to balance my pie chart.

My first step was to carve out 45 min - 1 hour every morning SOLO.

Well, SOLO plus Mo.

Every morning, rain or shine, I take the dog out for a morning walk.

I had been avoiding carving that time because I didn't want Peanut waking up solo every day. While I take my walk at the same time every day, her wake time varies. She's always asleep when I leave.

I realized that if Peanut is going to wake up to a joyful mother - I need to ground myself every single morning. Peanut is old enough to wake up, read the note I leave her, and start her day. We have a very solid morning routine that she can follow with, or without, me.

This one small step has allowed me space to see how out of balance my pie chart is.

Mama Warriors, as we all ready for back to school, back to routines, let's also evaluate which of those routines are serving us well?

When you look at the calendar of your week, are you making time for various pie pieces?

The best way to love someone else well is to love yourself well first.