Tummy Aches

 "We lose our joy over things God knows will change in time."

Friday night we ordered pizza for dinner. Because of my gastro issues, Peanut hasn't eaten out much. She mostly eats with me and thus doesn't have a stomach used to very much junk.

I offered her two pieces of pizza and some fruit Friday night. She ate those quickly and wanted to have two more.

I mentioned that often too large of a serving of any kind of fast food upsets her stomach. She assured me it would be fine and chose to eat two more.

As she laid Saturday morning with an upset stomach, I gently reminded of her of the connection and then let it go.

Much of parenting I've found is not saying "I told you so" when you desperately want to yell "If you had just listened to me we wouldn't be here right now."

Parenting is presenting the facts (in the past too much pizza has made you sick) and then keeping quiet while people eat too much pizza. And it's not rescuing them from the tummy ache but sitting with them through it.

We have to let the age appropriate tummy aches happen so they learn to make good choices on their own.

I've been reading several books recently on parenting young adults. I've found this season of having two young adults living in our home but not wanting to be "parented" very challenging.

Most of the literature points to the same theme.

We begin with a control relationship with our kids. We control all the things all the time. What they eat and when, what they wear, where they do, all the things. Thus the majority of toddler tantrums. They have no control over anything.

Over time, the goal is to shift from control to "advisor." We provide the wisdom but then we sit back (while cringing inside) as they make decisions.

The biggest part of that though is letting them walk the consequences after the bad decision.

And maybe not saying "I told you so."

I have found that there is this is third stage that is the most challenging.

For years we act as advisor. Sometimes they take our advice, sometimes they don't. But generally, it's understood we will be providing it.

There's this third stage where they think they know everything and don't think we have advice worthy of being offered.

This stage where friends and others opinions weigh heavier than yours.

I call this stage "the blind leading the blind."

I've been told that some kids recover from this and circle back to considering advising. I've got no wisdom there. Yet?

It's challenging to stand by as they make mistakes that will be costly in terms of finances, relationships, emotional/mental health.

However it's necessary.

There's no growth without challenges.

I'm reminded as I not very patiently try to navigate this season that all parents just want to share their wisdom. Offer their opinion. Be a part of the conversation.

I've realized that I am guilty of not always including Jesus as part of the conversation. Not asking for advice. Not heeding to wisdom.

Mama Warriors, maybe you too are navigating a long summer with young adults in transition.

Remember that this is not a season of control, its one of advisement.

They have to walk the hard consequences of the big mistakes. You can't (and you shouldn't) protect them from all the things.

You can (and you should) pray for them and be available to snuggle them through the tummy aches.