Name the Hard

 "The miracles hadn't looked like I thought they would. They never crashed like ocean waves. They had been small quiet rivers."

This week Peanut, Xman and I went for a walk. In the rain. Peanut wants to save every worm every time it rains. She finds them on the road and painstakingly relocates them to the grass. Every. Single. One.

Xman wanted to finish our walk and get back home and rushed her.

It hurt her feelings.

She got stuck in this sad state. She wanted Xman to apologize. To make her feel better.

Xman did not apologize.

Peanut and I had a hard conversation. We can't make other people "be sorry."

We can't own their feelings.

But we can own are our own.

We can say "I deserve to be spoken to more kindly."

We can say "Your tone hurt my feelings."

And then we can say "I forgive you."

We can set boundaries. We can say "I do not want to go on walks with you because I like to linger."

We continued on our day and Peanut continued to be super grumpy.

I said "Peanut, let's CHOOSE joy."

To which she said to me, "Mommy - do you want me to lie to myself? I don't feel joyful. If I act joyful, I"m just going to be lying to myself. Don't you want me to be true to myself?"

Sigh. Parenting is tough. I gave up coffee for Lent. I'll leave it at that.

I told Peanut that every day there is joy and there are hard things. Both exist. Every single day.

We always have to choose to set our mind on that which is good.

We can acknowledge that hard thing we feel. That sadness. That hurt. That anger. That grief.

But we can't let it be in charge.

It can't color the good.

Hard feelings definitely deserve space. Deserve to be acknowledged. Deserved to be felt.

There will always be hard.

If we don't set a limit for the amount of space hard can take up, we'll never choose joy.

Mama Warriors, I'm a deeply feeling person in a very messy world.

Raising another deeply feeling person in a very messy world.

Let's make space for our kids to feel the messy. Let's rise above the "suck it up" or "get it over it" parenting and let them process.

BUT let's also teach them to name the feeling, feel it, and then give it its own space.

Let's be parents that teach the "glad game" and raise kids who can name the hard, but also can find the good.

Let's be people who can name the hard, but can also find the good.

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Driveway

 "What if, instead of fearing what might be taken from us, we decide that everything lost makes us more complete, not less?"

Our driveway is a beast. With the slope, when you are coming up the driveway you can't see the top. And in reverse, when you are going down, there is an area in the "dip" that you can't see.

I have had a firm "no teenage drivers" on our driveway rule.

I suggest when adults drive our kids home that they not come all the way up. My kids are healthy. They can all walk up the driveway. Even in the rain.

At the bottom of the driveway we have a basketball goal and a mailbox - and a ditch on both sides of the driveway that are a large drop off. I won't discuss the number of times someone has hit the basketball goal or the mailbox. Or run off the driveway.

When our own kids started driving and navigating the driveway, the one firm rule is that you have to know where Peanut is BEFORE you move a car.

If you are coming home, you let me know and I will be responsible for knowing where she is when you pull in.

If you are pulling out, YOU are responsible for putting your eyes on her and telling her you are driving and that she has to stay inside.

You don't drive on my driveway unless you know where Peanut is.

As I was sitting outside this week watching Peanut play in the yard so the Xman could park after baseball practice, I got to thinking of this idea of knowing before you move.

We are a few weeks out from Peanut's 8th birthday.

Which always comes for me as a reminder of the beginning of my health struggles. 11 days after she was born was when my gastro madness first reared its ugly head.

I went from being very over committed and way too busy (with a badge of pride from that) to being still.

Like sit on my couch more hours than not still.

Which may be why I rode the first few months of the pandemic like a ride on a caroseul.

I'm familiar with God staying "Sit down and stay put. Wait for me."

What if we all waited until we knew where God was before we moved?

Sometimes I think we don't give enough time for God to answer us.

Who are we to give Him a time table?

I've learned to say "I can't commit to that right now." Or "I'm not ready to decide."

If you don't have peace with a decision, you haven't heard from God.

And therefore, you shouldn't be driving the car.

Mama Warriors, I think sometimes we just keep driving on the driveway out of habit.

We don't stop and make sure we know where God wants us to be before putting the car into drive.

We google, we ask others opinion, we over think.

But we don't wait.

As we journey to the cross this season of Lent, I encourage you to become comfortable being still and waiting.

Don't drive until you know where He wants you to go.

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S'Pare Room

 "The question is not do you believe in God. The question is do you belong to him?"

This weekend Peanut and I pulled out the Easter decorations.

Though the weather isn't sure yet if we are in winter or spring, Peanut and I are readying ourselves for the journey to the cross.

We are trying to change our perspective and our scenery over the next 40ish days.

Over the last 3 days we have watched all 3 Narnia movies.

The movies sit in my Easter boxes because for me Aslan and the cross will always go together.

(Parenting tip - if you can sort a good chunk of your kids dvds by season and then store them with decorations - you don't have them out year round, and I've found we are more likely to watch Rise of the Guardians if it only appears at Easter)

Peanut and I talked about the first movie on Saturday. I asked her "Do you think you would have explored Narnia or immediately gone back through the wardrobe? Would you have been afraid?"

She pondered that for a moment and said "Well...my tummy would hurt. So I'd at least be nervous. But I'd go."

She continues to teach me.

In a year where I've chosen a big word, or a big word has chosen me, my tummy hurts. And I'm nervous.

And usually that would mean I'd go right back through the wardrobe. Return to comfort and familiar. The lesser of evils sometimes.

This year I'm challenging myself to explore Narnia.

Even though nothing in me wants to.

I think about Lucy - how if she had never explored Narnia AND then shared both her love for it and her struggle with the need for justice and mercy, both the Narnians and Lucy's siblings would have missed out.

If she hadn't said "yes" when asked to fly, then generations would have been different.

I think I don't always think of my yes as potentially having larger impacts than the immediate inconvenience.

Mama Warriors, perhaps during this season of Lent you feel yourself wandering inside the Narnia wardrobe. Maybe you feel tugged to leave "S'pare Room" and follow His voice.

Even if your tummy hurts, I encourage you to take the small step.

I definitely think it will be challenging. And at times painful and stretching.

BUT just like Lucy always feels at peace with Aslan - I think you too will find comfort in knowing you never leave the wardrobe alone.

Hold My Crockpot

 "I think the prayers of people like us matter. Not in spite of scripture but because of it. Not in spite of Church but because of her. Not in spite of our questions and doubts but because of them. Not in spite of our grief and our longing, our yearning for justice and our anger, but because of them."

Peanut and I finished our school work just before lunch today.

I decided to take a moment (technically 43ish minutes) and get my latest This is Us fix.

I sat down on the couch with my phone, my laptop, and my coke.

My intent was to answer emails, take care of a few things and watch the latest episode. No minute wasted right?

A few minutes into the show I realized I was missing my favorite thing about watching this show.

The ability to spend an hour completely lost in the world of the Pearsons.

By physically holding all these other things, I deprived myself of the ability to just be in the moment.

I had decided that to just be in a moment was a waste of time.

The opportunity to ugly and cry and belly laugh and try to figure out how to fast forward through the commercials.

The option to not overthink about my own circus for a bit and only worry about the Pearson three.

By not giving all my attention to the show, I was missing out on receiving all it has to offer.

A while ago I took social media apps off my cell phone.

If I want to access social media, I still have options. The laptop I share with Xman. The tablet I use for school for Peanut.

But it's not in the palm of my hand all the time.

It's not an option if I'm away from home.

Not an option if I'm soaking up sunshine on a pretty day.

I have to seek a device to use social media.

The device I carry around in my hand is now solely for the purpose of engaging with people.

I frequently see people fasting from social media for Lent or other seasons of personal choice.

While I think it's great to take a break (remind me next election year to fast!), I think it's better to make purposeful choices about your access and usage every day.

Recently we rented a movie on Amazon for family movie night.

When I looked around my living room, I saw four people staring at small screens in their hands and only one actively watching the large screen (that 5th one may never have a cell phone but that's a post for a different day).

There seems to be a badge in our culture today for multi tasking.

I used to pride myself in the ability to do several things at one time.

This morning I taught reading while folding a load of clothes.

The problem is that while I was super productive I sent the message to my loves to read 7 year old that her reading wasn't important enough for me to stop everything and just listen.

As I journey to the cross this year in this season of Lent, I'm trying to focus on ONE thing at a time.

Which means I have to be a better steward of my time.

Mama Warriors, there is no better multi tasker than a mother.

But what message do we send our kids if the SOLE thing we focus on is never them?

And what are we missing out on if never give God our full attention?

I think by not giving God our full attention, we are missing out the fullness of what He has to offer.

Maybe He would give us 43 minutes of total peace to step back from it all if we would just make ourselves available?

If we carved out time where our sole purpose was to be open to what He has to offer?

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