Hide in Your Car

 "A peacemaker seeks to transform the world by applying the teachings of God." (Matthew 5:9)

On many Thursday mornings, I spend about 45 minutes by myself while Peanut is in a co-op class. Typically I sit outside. Which means that I'm never really alone. People walk their kids to/from classes. There is foot traffic here and there - and well, I'm friendly.

When we arrived at co-op today, it was too wet and cold for me to sit in my chair outside.

So I sat in my car.

Alone.

I scrolled my messages. Made a note to delete stuff off my phone at some point due that little storage warning that keeps popping up.

I finished the book I brought. I ugly cried.

And then I still had time.

I tried to remember the last time I was by myself.

I drove myself to the dentist a few weeks ago - does that count?

I couldn't remember the last time I was really alone.

What does one do when they are really alone?

Last night we participated in Ash Wednesday service virtually.

It was obviously not the same.

I was aggravated last night by my people acting like.....themselves.

I realized after I stepped away that I like to go to worship by myself. I like to disconnect from all that I carry and just be open to what He has in store for me.

The last time I stood solo in worship was a year ago.

To do that, I have to take off ALL the hats. The wife hat. The Mom hat. The chef hat. The chauffer hat. All the hats.

I have to show up as just a child of God.

Palms up ready to receive.

It was challenging to focus on the sermon with one groaning, one getting up and down, and another wiggling. With our home making you know, 20 year old home noises.

It was hard for me to change my posture when my scenery was the same.

I realized as I was sitting in car alone today that I am struggling with being new while living in my old.

I am struggling with laying it all down when I'm literally always carrying something.

As I sit typing, I can hear the video game going on and the lively conversation in my living room. I am acutely aware of the teen who will be driving at any moment. The timer runs for the dinner I'm in the midst of cooking. The planner lays open beside me showing what needs to be done and with blank space where I jot down the "oh I forgot" things as they come to me.

I mentioned at dinner the other night that Lent is my favorite church season of the calendar year.

Because Lent is the journey to the cross.

It's a chance for, every single year, to make space for space.

To pause my scenery, to really lay it all down, to repent.

A chance to change my own posture toward my scenery.

Mama Warriors, I don't think the big idea of Lent is denominational.

Lent is taking time to prepare your heart for Easter.

For this year, I've chosen to focus on peace. Searching for peace. Being a peacemaker.

Changing my posture to one of peace without changing my scenery.

Maybe you need to hide in your car for a bit too.

Stay just past the comfort level. You know, at first you clean out your purse. Then you scroll your phone. Then you look at the window.

Linger past that.

The minutes past that, when you've moved from tasks to being, that's where your struggle is.

Take time over this next 40ish days and make space for Jesus.

Make space for YOU.

Go ahead, hide in your car.