Teacher Dress

"If you want to see yourself  clearly, don't look in muddy water."

As many of you know, I am (again) on this summer mission of minimalism. 

As none of us are big shoppers (well,the 7 year old probably would if she got more than  $1 a week in allowance), I'm consistently puzzled as to how we have so much stuff. I've realized that *most* things we donate or re-home, we did not buy in the first place.They were either gifts or hand me downs.Or things someone else couldn't part with so they gave it to us. They fit a need in a season in our budget but weren't something we would have otherwise chosen. 

One of the larger projects is an area Mari Kondo calls "sentimental." I started with a very quick sort of pictures this weekend. Making piles from different seasons of our life out of multiple bins of loose pictures. 

I realized in looking through the pictures that I physically look completely different year to year. 

This picture in particular made me laugh out of loud. 

That's my "teacher dress." I can tell you that's probably 1998, the year I got my first teaching job. 

I bought a suit for the interview (which Goodwill got a few years ago), but then needed clothes to wear every day. Someone kindly gave me some hand me downs of things that were "teacher wear."

There was,and still is,nothing about my fashion sense or style that says "I like to wear teacher wear."

Yet, I wore them. 

Because I felt like I had to look the part. 

It wasn't enough that I (despite some struggling classroom management skills that year) am pretty good at teaching people. 

I love figuring out how YOU will best learn something and then presenting in it that way. I love to teach all the people that math in particular is good and useful and relevant. And doable. By everyone. 

I realized as I looked through all my pictures that it was a reoccurring theme. 

Not trusting that I was enough but instead changing or conforming to look how I thought the part was supposed to look like.

Motherhood went similarly. 

I read the books. I went to the mom groups. I learned what the part looked like,and I did my best to be that. 

Mothering felt hard. Heavy. 

I thought perhaps my kids just didn't read The Happy Sleeper book or the Positive Discipline manuals. 

At some point I realized that I had to choose something to prioritize. I chose to prioritize my relationship with my kids.

In a relationship, to have trust you have to have authenticity. 

So I had to stop trying to be some version of their mother based on books, media,unsolicited advice , etc. 

I had to trust that I was enough. 

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

I think we do our worst damage in the way we speak to ourselves. 

We don't speak to ourselves in an encouraging way that benefits and lifts us up. 

Mama Warriors there is only one true way to be - to be uniquely YOU. 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

Equipped for the call. 

Trust you are enough. 

And start speaking to yourself in that light. 

That Ephesians 4:29 -it begins in YOUR mind.