Foot Covers

 "My heart is revealing what is already there: misplaced worship of my own comfort and control. Can you relate?"

This weekend I came across my stash off foot covers during a great garage clean out. A sweet friend generously sent me them to both put a smile on my face and be something useful after we had our carpet cleaned.

Since that time, I've used them many times to cover Peanut's dirty feet while she walked through the house to the bath tub rather than trying to carry her lanky self.

Recently, however, I have learned they make great make shift gloves. We use them at public parks to open the bathroom door, flush the toilet, and turn the water on to wash our hands. I've used them at gas pumps to both pump and push in my information on the keypad.

Every year in January our family participates in a spending freeze. During that time, I'm always reminded of how when we are pushed, we can be creative in how we use our gifts and resources.

We can make what we have work.

Sometimes our purpose isn't so obvious.

Sometimes how we are called to use our gifts and talents isn't so obvious.

Maybe we, too, are foot covers who now need to be used as gloves.

We are all waking on this beautiful Sunday morning to a world in which there is divisiveness everywhere.

My social media feed is full of people falling on all sides of current events.

I think many of us are feeling like "I'm only a foot cover, what can I do?"

One of my favorite Xman stories is from when he was about 5 years old. Xman was a fierce collector of all things super heroes. But he also was very concerned about order.

He came to me one morning and said "Mommy - I have this GREAT idea. I could put my toys into different boxes and write on them what is in them. Then I will know where they are."

I said that was a great idea and offered to provide him with bins and markers.

To which he replied, "Oh Mommy - I'm really more of a THINKER boy. Not a DOER boy."

I feel like we have become a society of thinker boys/girls.

We are screaming at each other on social media. Yelling all of our thoughts.

We are, however, not doer boys/girls.

I think one of the reasons is that we are foot covers who don't know our glove potential.

I don't want to engage in a discussion about where you should land on any current event.

Because here's the thing, where YOU land is between you and Jesus. And as long as YOU are good with that, I am too.

BUT (there's always a but right?) - I remember FAR more times in the Bible where Jesus was a doer. Not just a thinker.

He didn't see things he felt were unjust and just yell about them. Or comment on them. Or post 18 articles about them.

He was a DOER.

Mama Warriors, I encourage you today to pray about what you can DO about all that you THINK.

I think if we all prayed to ask how our foot cover selves could be used in a new fashion, in these every changing times, I feel like He'll show us.

And selfishly, while you are changing from a foot cover to a glove, I ask you to have empathy and grace for others. Allow a little space for those who think differently than you.

Remember that you are commanded to love others.

All the others.

(Published May 2020)

Pour Out

 "If the adage holds true that we pour out what we put in, what does this say about how our technology usage affects how we parent, serve, communicate, and love?"

Most days Peanut and I put our shoes on and walk our neighborhood. She, and I, both thrive on routine. I've found this routine helps reset us.

When we walk, I play podcasts. We rotate Father Mike reading us the Bible, Emily Freeman telling me what the next right thing may be, or a variety of gentle parenting episodes.

I often pause the podcast and send myself a text with a quote or thought I want to investigate or journal.

This morning as I watched a sermon on youtube while making breakfast, I realized that with the visual of the preacher and the slides, I often allow them to tell me what was important. I write down what ends up on the screen. Or what's in the app or handout.

Whereas when I listen to a podcast, I have no visual to connect with so I have to really tune in and pay attention to what speaks to me.

It made me wonder, how often am I am tuning in to what speaks to me rather than what is being visually stuck in front of me?

How often am I allowing what I scroll through to speak louder than what I know to be true?

I had to restructure my time this week to fit in more hourly work than I am used to.

As I reflected over that this morning, I realized that while it was challenging at times, I still managed to get all the essentials done. My people have clean clothes. They are fed. Our home is .....livable . I tackled the appointments and still managed to block out a day to spend with Peanut.

Which tells me that in an average week, there is a lot of time that gets lost.

I'm pondering today is what I'm filling my well with what I want to be pouring out?

Mama Warriors, as we all transition into summer mode and hopefully you've carved out a little more white margin into your daily life, I challenge you to think of what visuals you are filling your day with.

Do you spend more time soaking up nature or soaking up social media?

Do you breathe in more in person connections or digital ones?

Where are you the most present?

Light

 "We have access to more information than ever before - we're struggling more. We don't talk about what gets in the way."

Every time I lift Peanut into the pool, she has this same apprehensive look on her face.

Uncertainity.

She can touch. This year the water is waist deep for her.

But she remembers. There was a time when she couldn't. A time when the water was greater than she was. Taller. Bigger. Overwhelming.

She's unsure.

She's afraid.

I'm so incredibly careful with how I approach this.

Because you see, we begin when we are small able to articulate so easily what we are afraid of.

We tell everyone about the water that might get in our noses or mouths, the monsters that may lie under the bed, the scary movie scene that may come true.

But at some point, we begin to think those worries aren't valid.

We don't quit having fears - we just quit giving them a voice.

We become these people who feel there is something wrong with having fears. Doubts. Uncertainties.

By not giving these fears a voice, we let them grow in the darkness.

They take hold.

So I tell Peanut, "Yes, it's scary." I reflect what she says to me. I validate her feelings.

And we bring those fears into the LIGHT.

One of the hardest things for me in my health journey has been to voice my fears. To say things I think make me sound either childish or crazy.

But not saying them, doesn't make them not exist.

I've carved out space safes to share them. People who have earned the right to hear my story.

And I've brought those fears into LIGHT.

The very act of shining light onto something dark changes it.

Makes it less scary.

Mama Warriors, I encourage you to do two things. As you listen to the fears of your littles, I urge you to *just* hear them. Try to validate that they exist - for them, they are very real.

Be LIGHT where those fears are spread into the open.

And, find LIGHT to shed on your fears.

We all carry them.........don't hide them in darkness to fester and grow.

Share them in the LIGHT so that they gain perspective.

Find the people that have earned the right to hear your story and tell it. Over and over.

Until the darkness seems doable.

Until LIGHT wins.

Published May 2019

HOW

 "I thought I would miss them when they went off to college, but I realized that the bigger loss came sooner, when they could drive themselves whereever they wanted to go."

It's been summer for the boy child 10 days.

In 10 days, he's eaten one meal here and I'm not sure it was sitting. And it was Mother's Day, so not optional.

Last night he came in from work and having dinner with friends, and as always came and sat on the foot of my bed.

He shared a bit about work, about dinner, about friends.

And was off again to shower and sleep.

A slight touch of home base and then off to fly again.

This week Xman drove me to get my first COVID vaccine. As we rode, I was taken back a few months when touching home base happened most often as I chauffered him here/there.

I read that quote earlier this week in a book and it rendered true for me.

He sleeps here and there are these glimpses of him in the morning over coffee, and at the foot of my bed at night, but he's got one foot out the door.

He's ready to fly.

He's working hard on his GPA, he's talking colleges and dorm life and big dreams.

I've been watching all of you posting pictures of graduation and post high school plans for your birds about to fly.

I've been thinking how I have two, incredibly short or unbearingly long depending on the day, years left with this one.

Two years to soak up the home base moments.

Two years to figure out how you get a lifetime of home base moments.

3 years ago we took a year off the grit and grind of academics and spent a year working on relationships. I gifted Xman, and myself, a year to grow. A year to linger at the park, to walk the aisles of Aldi, to bowl countless games. A year to take a deep breath and figure out how we'd both better navigate anxiety.

A year to work on home base.

I could fill a notebook with parenting regrets, but you won't find that in it.

You see it was in that year that I learned to chose relationship over tasks.

It was in that year that I remembered that WHO he becomes is much less important than HOW he gets there.

The journey is important.

What if the journey is all he gets?

I see glimpses of the HOW in action these days.

I see him as an employee who works harder than all others. Who has a work ethic that's admirable in anyone, but especially in a 16 year old kid.

I see him as a church member who shows up. Who makes the VBS decorations. Who volunteers. Who participates.

I see him as the student who is kind to his teachers. Who smiles at them even when others don't. Who participates in class.

I see him as the brother who refills milk cups and untangles watches from the little one's hair.

We choose to skip the AP classes, to skip the extreme high school academics.

We chose to step away from travel ball and intense sports in favor of playing for fun and character building.

We choose to gift him a balanced life because the journey is important.

I think about these lessons I've learned every time I second guess a decision about Peanut.

Her schedule has very little structure, very little musts in her week.

Each time I consider registering her for some activity because I feel some guilt, I think about the HOW.

Then I remember, the journey is important.

Mama Warriors, it's easy to get caught up in WHO our kids will become. To worry about their future.

To want to put them in all the things, to fill your time with trying to gift them opportunities.

Let's not forget the HOW.

The journey is incredibly beautiful.

Red Shoes

 "Faith is a catch and release sport. Standing at the altar receiving the bread and wine is the RELEASE part."

In the fall of 1992, I was invited to the National Young Leaders Conference in Washington DC to be held in the spring of 1993.

I was 17 years old, a senior in high school.

For six days, I had the opportunity to meet with leaders from the government, media and diplomatic corps. I had the opportunity to debate issues on the senate floor. The opportunity to see some of the behind the scenes of how our government works. I met a variety of important people from my own senator to international representatives. I took whirlwind tours of the nation's capital, museums, Arlington Cemetery, Memorials, you name it.

This morning I pulled a few photos out of a large photo album and tossed the rest (summer seems to always be a resurfacing of the great basement clean out).

Do you want to know what I remember about that trip?

Red Shoes.

I still sigh with a smile when I think of those red shoes.

You see that boy in the photo? He's in ALL my souvenir pictures. I'm not sure what he's standing in front of or near, but he's what I remember about that trip.

And I'm not sure we interchanged more than a handful of words.

I don't remember his name. Only his porcelain Alaskan skin and his red shoes.

Red Shoes.

Sigh.

Oddly, this morning, this photo gave me hope. I kept it. I tossed the slew of other pictures of monuments I can't name, and people I don't remember (seems we didn't take selfies in 1993 so I'm in NONE of my own souvenir pictures).

You see my teenagers are fixated on life's distractions. (anyone else worried about how many grown adults are home playing fortnite with our kids during the day?)

I was reminded this morning that distractions are part of life. Boys in Red Shoes take different shapes and tones through the years, but they are still just that .........scenery along the walk.

The seeds that I've planted, the core we've developed in my kids - I'm trusting that they return to that.

That quote above talks about how faith is catch and release.

The Eucharist is about approaching the cross with open hands.

About letting go.

About admitting we don't have all the answers.

For us Mama Warriors, it's about remembering we dedicated these kids to Him.

Many of us put on some make up and a pretty outfit, stood on stage at our various churches, and we said out loud - Yes. Yes, I dedicate this child to the Lord.

At the time, that seemed like a stressful thing to me. Would they cry? Would everyone notice that my dress fit poorly? Or that my shoes didn't match?

Now, I realize that the decision is made OVER AND OVER again. Every moment of every day.

I've promised to lay it all down at His cross. I've promised to dedicate them over and over again. Each time I try to catch them, I'm reminded, they are mine to RELEASE.

Some of my kids distractions are much scarier than boys in red shoes. I have WAY less control over the influences in our lives at their ages. Some of them aren't going to be gone in 6 days. Distance is a relative term in the virtual age our kids live in.

Mama Warriors, dedicating our kids to Him wasn't a one time decision. It's waking up every single day TRUSTING that He's got them.

We can battle for them in prayer. We can provide the boundaries and limits. But honestly, we can't compete the distractions.

Our kids are fighting battles they can only win spiritually. Our kids are fighting battles we can't fight for them. We can battle for them in prayer, we can model healthy choices, but in the end we have trust that they are under His protection.

(Published May 2018)

Bored

 "The last thing you need when you are learning, at any age, but especially in childhood, is to have things made too easy. Difficulty and resistance, as long as they are age appropriate and not too discouraging, are actually what press our brains to adapt and learn."

This morning the Xman chauffered Peanut and I to the pharmacy so I could get my first dose of the COVID vaccine (#ScienceforSonya). I wanted to have someone with me as I haven't had a vaccine in 19 years.

As Xman, Peanut and I sat in the "wait here" chairs waiting out our required 15 minute observation , Peanut looks to me and says "What can I do?"

We were seated by the doors. I said "I'm looking outside. See the trees swaying - that means it must be windy right now. What do you see?"

Peanut was not impressed by my observation game and mentioned she was bored. Again asking "What can I do?"

I realized that when we wait places, I always bring some activity choices for Peanut. A coloring book and crayons. Or paper and a pen. Or a few small toys. Options.

I've not often encouraged Peanut to fill her time with her own made up options.

I made a note that this skill is going on my summer list. The ability to just sit somewhere and be entertained by your surroundings alone.

One of the greatest disservices we've done to this newest generation of children is not let them bored. Not force them to bored.

People who have been bored become good problem solvers.

They become thinkers. Creative explorers.

We've committed that Peanut will have no screens until AT LEAST double digits. I won't even discuss phones - my big kids swear we may run to be Amish before we consider allowing her to have one. Round one and two, I didn't know what I didn't know. But now I do, and you can't unlearn hard wisdom.

We do have a screen that we use with Peanut - for educational games, for watching drawing lessons, for listening to audio books.

But Peanut spends the majority of her day exploring her creativity. Screens aren't a daily thing, and aren't a given.

Would it be easier to let Peanut spend time on a screen?

Sometimes. Though through wisdom I've also learned that lots of screen time also seems to lead to behaviors that I don't love.

Screens make things easy and I would argue too easy.

If we want to identify a bird in our yard - google is fast.

But pulling that Bird ID book off the shelf, teaches us both far more. We learn what is and what is not an attribute of various birds. We see birds in our book we may never see in our backyard. We spend time together.

I think screens get us to many destinations but we miss the journey.

And the journey - that's where the beautiful scenary is.

The journey can be messy and loud. But it can also be enriching and enlightening.

Mama Warriors, as we sit in the waiting chairs, let's not reach for our phones. Let's really be present in the waiting together.

Let's model for our kids how to be bored.

Let's model problem solving and creative thinking.

Let's embrace the journey.