Sight

 "Faith does not say "I see this is good; therefore, God must have sent it. " Instead, faith declares, "God sent it; therefore, it must be good for me." "

I started my day yesterday at the dentist.

It's not a secret that dental visits are really hard for me. I got myself so worked up about this appointment that I had to get someone to drive me there. I took two different medications to get myself there.

I sat down in this chair and had to giggle - it's a nice view if you can distract yourself from the reason you can see it.

My appointment began with a paperwork conundrum. My original treatment plan was too old and I had to redo my xrays, consent, etc.

I kept reminding people "I do best if you get me hooked up to laughing gas ASAP."

They get the gas turned on and figure out there is a leak in the hose.

Electrical tape, duct tape, and finally a DIY of cutting the hose and refitting it, and we were back up and running.

There were some complications with the work, the gas cut off. Twice. It was a mess of an appointment.

3 hours later I had survived.

I had prayed a lot about this appointment.

Courage to get there. Stability for my system to endure the appointment.

The ability to hold my thoughts captive and not be overcome with anxiety or fear.

Three separate times last week I came across the same Bible story referenced.

The story is about a blind man, Bartimaeus. Bartimaeus is on the side of a road, begging. Amongs the noisy and crowded city, Jesus hears Bartimaeus cry out to him. Jesus stops to speak to him.

51 “What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.

The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

52 “Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

It seems like it should be obvious to Jesus what Bartimaeus needs.

But maybe Jesus doesn't ask him what he wants because he doesn't know. Maybe he asks because he wants Bartimaeus to wrestle with what he really wants.

Perhaps Bartimaeus considers for a moment asking for the immediate - something to eat or drink. But maybe then dares to ask BIG - to see.

I've been thinking about my prayer life lately.

How I ask for the something to eat or drink.

When if I was really in touch with my soul, I'd be asking to SEE.

I'm asking God to help me hold my anxious thoughts captive. To help me manage them. The immediate.

What if I asked BIG?

What if I prayed He'd set me free?

Take it from me. Cleanse me of what grips me.

What if by not considering that was a possiblity , I've been limiting God?

What if He waits for us to know to ask to SEE?

Mama Warriors, I was still anxious on Monday as I went to the dentist. And each of those little hurdles in the appointment did cause me distress.

BUT, I knew I could do it. I not once considered cancelling. I learned to ask for support - I asked someone to drive me, to support me. I spoke up for myself at the appointment - asked for what I needed, asked for breaks, etc. I advocated for me.

I could SEE because I realized I could ask for sight.

Maybe you are praying for the immediate when you could be praying to SEE.

I challenge you to ask yourself that question Jesus asks Bartamaeus, "What do you want?"

You have not because you have not asked.