Quirks

 "I worried about her and counted that as love. I protected her and counted that as mothering.She and I were living in a story I had written, and I was the hero."

Peanut is going through a VERY chatty phase. She talks ALL THE TIME.

Yesterday, I noticed that her new quirk is still here. Each time she talks she wiggles all her fingers.

I mentioned this to a friend yesterday and she lovingly asked me "where do your worries take you when you think about it?"

I hadn't really thought about it before she asked. I was focused on the behavior.

Peanut is an imaginative, creative, joyful quirky kid.

Quirks aren't new so why was this one tugging at me?

I pulled her close in my arms last night as we watched Duck Tales (her latest craze) and breathed in her sweet 7 year old everything.

I realized my worries take me to the spot where I worry about how much she absorbs how we react to her.

More often than I'd like to admit, her chatter is met with someone saying "what kid?" or "hurry up" or "just a minute."

My worry is related to ME.

Not her.

In her story, I always center myself.

If I step back, in my worries, they are rarely actually about the children.

They are typically about ME.

The behaviors are a response to ME.

The worries come from a place where I have struggles, not her.

I've been a mix of overwhelmed and frustrated with the negativity and overload of fighting in my social media feed lately.

So I asked myself, "where do your worries take you when you think about it?"

My worries take me to a place where I feel defensive.

Like I owe anyone else a justification for how we choose to walk this time.

Perhaps because I am often making hard decisions and feeling like I have to justify those to the world.

The problem isn't whether I social distance or not, wear a mask or not, visit a movie theater or not.

The drama isn't in the different options available.

The drama is in WHY it's dramatic.

When we spend energy focusing on others choices, where do our worries take us?

Mama Warriors, such a great question my friend asked me - fridge worthy for me.

Maybe you need to ask yourself the same today "where do your worries take you when you think about it?"

Move the focus off the worry itself to the WHY of the worry.

To the deep root.

Sit there.

Ask Jesus to sit there - there is where your heart needs work, healing, forgiveness, or love.

Sit there. (Originally written May 2020)