Pushing Back

 "Ultimately ALL are commissioned. ALL are called. ALL belong to the holy order of God's beloved."

This morning the two younger ones came with me to run some errands. Nothing says togetherness like 4 stops including two different grocery stores?

Shopping with my Xman is a challenge. It seems to be one of the places where his anxiety is the most pronounced. He wants to be able to see me at all times. He's not willingly going over to Aisle 4 to get anything. No matter how many times I ask.

I'll confess. I often get frustrated with him. In the almost 14 years I have mothered him, I have NEVER left him anywhere. I have NEVER not picked him up. I have NEVER not shown up for him.

He has no valid reason for his anxiety. Yet he has it.

I've hauled him to countless therapists, and tried all kinds of approaches.

A few months ago God whispered (okay, He screamed) at me to take two steps back and quit trying to "fix this."

Be.

Let him BE.

I've shifted from trying to "expose him" to all the triggers to get rid of them, to simply empathizing that the triggers exist.

I now say things like "It must be hard to be afraid when you don't want to be" or "You want to be able to do this but you feel scared."

You see, for the last solid five years, I've been alternating through bouts of anxiety about where God is. I've been riding this spiritual roller coaster. Periods of deep faith followed by lost footing.

I realized this morning in the Walmart (don't all your good aha moments come in the Walmart too???) that I've got no valid reason for my anxiety. Yet I have it.

He's never left me.

He's not not picked me up when I fell down.

He's never not shown up for me.

Yet when I question, He patiently lets me BE.

"All ministry begins at the ragged edge of our own pain."

Mama Warriors, it seems impossible for our teenagers to imagine that we were once a teen and could possibly know something. Anything.

But I think there's plenty of relatable material right here in our here and now.

I think if we can find the ragged edge of our own pain, we can find the common ground.

Maybe we aren't questioning the same things they are, but I would attest that most are questioning something.

Maybe we aren't seeking the same acceptance they are, but I would attest that most are seeking something.

Maybe we aren't rebelling against the same things they are, but I would attest there is something we are pushing back against.

Find your common ground. Empathize first. You need the road in to offer wisdom. (Published May 2018)